Welcome to Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing hilarious personal thought rants every Friday. Sometimes on shame, sometimes shame infused, and other times, nothing to do with shame. Enjoy responsibly.
Author’s note: This one poured out of me, and I let it. I know it’s not my ‘typical’ unhinged flow of concoiousness newsletter style, and I’m ok with that. Because it’s part of me. And that’s what Shame Sandwich is all about… sharing the all, even when it feels shameful. I hope you feel more human after reading this. ♥️
When I try to be perfect
When I try to be perfect the ugly slips through my pores.
Disfigures my lips.
Casts shadows on my plastered smile.
Bathes my skin in hatred.
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When I try to be perfect my soul splinters.
Slicing what’s left of my hope into shards.
Piercing my tender belly.
Shredding what’s left of my broken heart.
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When I try to be perfect I hate myself more than death.
Wishing I could terminate the vicious cycles.
Desperate for relief from the looping insanity.
Looking for answers in places that only leave me more lost.
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When I try to be perfect I swear I am losing my mind.
A breath away from screaming into the void for which there is no return.
The incarnation of pain left unloved.
The price for not saying what needed to be said.
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When I try to be perfect I am swallowed up in the shame of my own making.
Suffocating in the intoxication of hidden secrets.
Drowning in the twisted truth.
Frozen in my own fear.
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When I try to be perfect a scream forms in the back of my throat.
Louder than the angriest thunder.
Bigger than the blackest universe.
More lethal than poison.
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And I want nothing more than to let that scream out in all of its unhinged horror.
-M
p.s. - Here’s to letting out the screams that have been begging to come out. 🙏 I’m terrified to do so, and yet… I know I must. Come what may. 🖤
p.p.s - Have the bestest Friday!!!!! ❤️🔥
From the bottom of my tiny tits, thank you for being here. If these words made you feel, it would mean the world if you could tap the lil ‘heart’, leave a comment or share this. 🖤
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This was so well-expressed. I know that feeling oh, so well. One thing I've learned, and I think you're learning, is that perfection is unattainable. We as humans are intrinsically flawed, imperfect and messy. We need to embrace those flaws along with everything else. Perfectionism is a trap we use to sabotage ourselves. Should we strive to better ourselves? Absolutely! Should we strive to change and grow? Yes! All we need to do today is try to be/do a little bit better than we did yesterday. As they say in rooms of meetings I've attended, it's "Progress, not perfection" that we should try for. I think you're progressing, don't you? Love , Virg
You got words... deep words... therapeutic words... beautifully haunting words... keep it up my friend.