I dealt with many of the things you expressed today. I carried it like a bag of cement until..... After many years of choosing no contact with my mom I wrote her a short, to-the-point, letter acknowledging her dysfunctional upbringing. I also acknowledged that the cycle repeated in mine and my siblings lives. I expressed that I think she did the best she knew how and that I forgave her. I mailed that letter with a phony return address because I still did not want her in my life. The weight was lifted that day and I've never looked back. I'm 62 and that letter was just a few years ago. I wish I had done it sooner.
🥹 All the chills… I’m so sad you dealt with generational baggage/dysfunction/trauma, and… I’m soooo happy that weight was at last lifted. Courageous of you to do that. How I long for that too. And, I am encouraged that it will be! ♥️🙏
Happy Valentine’s Day. May it meet your expectations, and I don’t need details! Sometimes the lesson to be learned from a parent is how not to be a parent. You’re clearly dealing with things - which is way better than avoiding them.
Oh Di, huge hugs to you… ♥️♥️♥️ To be forced to care when there is unresolved pain is a heavy burden indeed. Sending you love and I pray you can find peace and unburdening.🙏
I think so many women have very similar stories about the way that shame is passed down from mother to daughter. It’s my experience, too, and I did a very bad job of dealing with the shame and passed it on, unfortunately, something which caused pain to my daughter and to me. I aapsul your bravery!
Thank you so much for being here Susan, and sharing so honestly and authenticity. 🥹🙏 Your spirit warms my heart, and encourages me to keep being brave, face my shame, and stop the cycle. ♥️♥️♥️ I pray you and your daughter have found found healing. 🙏
I feel like I need to pay you on the weekly because I always get gut punched when I read your posts. Not in like a, "this person is an asshat and this post sucks" kind of way. And, I'm not exaggerating...It's like you're writing from the depths of my own soul and in some small way, you're helping my spirit heal in ways I never knew I needed. It's both liberating and daunting and kind of amazing? So...it's's really only fair if I compensate you somehow.
I know first hand how the traumas of your parent's life can be casted upon you - whether they willingly do it or not. I'd like to think...no, I don't think it's deliberate. And I've witnessed how it can truly become a cruel, cyclical process that doesn't get broken. I think though, M, that you ARE breaking that cycle and your daughter won't need to experience the trauma you endured, and that, my friend, is such a beautiful thing.
Keep sharing all of your feels. As always, sending you a big ole mammogram hug ❤️
🥹♥️🥹 Chills, it’s so healing for me, knowing this is healing for you and others. 😭😭😭 I’m just so happy that this is helpful and healing for you too!!!! The generational trauma shit is REAL. 💔 And it was writing this newsletter that hit truly hit home for me how my mom unwillingly, I believe, passed that shit onto me. 😭
And yet— I do have a chance to stop the pattern and start a new chapter for my baby girl. 😭 I know I’ve already been unwillingly imperfect as a mom, and— I’m practicing forgiveness and doing better as I know better. 💕
Mummy issues here too 🙋♀️ my parents weren’t overly religious but there was a HHHHUUUGE amount of shame around bodies and sex. I never got any education, so I made my own, which was not ideal. Now I’m doing my damnedest not to pass this onto my own kids but CHRIST ON A FERRIS WHEEL - it’s hard when it’s so ingrained!
🥹 Sara…. You get it 😭😭😭 IT’S SOOOO FUCKING HARD!!!!! The amount of fighting against ingrained shame sucks big hairy shame balls. 😭😂😭 Thank you for making me feel less alone. ♥️🙏
Megan, I feel this! And sadly I passed too much on to my kids for which I have apologized repeatedly. That shit can really haunt a person.
I can still see vividly the day my mother shut me in her room with a health pamphlet titled Menstruation. That was the totality of my education from her. lol! She seemed ashamed, so I felt ashamed…
It’s hard to accept the limitations of others who hold important places in your life, but learning to be your own mom is the gold! Sometimes I put both hands on my heart and listen to those little girls in me who didn’t get what they need—they have lots to say some days.
Thank you for publicly spilling your guts—which sounds terribly messy, but is appreciated by so many! 💖
Oh Julie, I so appreciate you!!! Shame is such a powerful emotion. And I know there are things I unwittingly have passed onto my daughter, which I am mortified over AND— will practice forgiving myself for and of course doing better with my daughter.
I love how you take care of the little girls in your heart. YES. May we all do that. 🥹♥️
And lastly, thank you so much for encouraging my gut spilling, it truly means so much. 🥹♥️ more gut spilling to come!!!
Our parents weren’t perfect people. I sure wasn’t a perfect child. I’m by no means perfect now. What I’ve tried to do is avoid doing the things to my kids that my parents did to me. Like a lot of us, you overcame a lot. Celebrate. Thanks for sharing.
But don’t dwell on their mistakes. Keep moving forward. Keep laughing. Keep dancing.
Ok I read this on Friday (per my religion that commands me to read all your letters on the day they hit my inbox), and I resonated DEEPLY- so deeply- that I couldn't really come up with words to reply. I don't want anything about my experience to diminish or minimize what you've survived. It's not about me - but I hope you know that by writing this here you are healing MORE THAN JUST YOU.
Miss K, your words have wrapped me in the biggest hug. I am always humbled and awed by your ability to know what to say. Thank you times a billion for being you. 🥹😭♥️ Here’s to acknowledging the feelings, and here’s to healing. ♥️😭🙏
You have to forgive your mum, no matter how punishing, once you've truly forgiven and crossed yourself you can really move forward with your lovely life, the reasons of the past are the consequences of those times, you're carrying a ball and chain of pain and shame, blame lies beyond anything comprehedable, it must be released and the ball and chain doesn't exist, a mere mental barrier, forgive and dissolve, make a prayer for your good self and carry the battle scars as all warriors do, much love ❤️ I fuckin detest valentines day, it's erroneous bollox, true love exists 24 hours a day real love doesn't need marking, it exists without acknowledgement, it's life
I dealt with many of the things you expressed today. I carried it like a bag of cement until..... After many years of choosing no contact with my mom I wrote her a short, to-the-point, letter acknowledging her dysfunctional upbringing. I also acknowledged that the cycle repeated in mine and my siblings lives. I expressed that I think she did the best she knew how and that I forgave her. I mailed that letter with a phony return address because I still did not want her in my life. The weight was lifted that day and I've never looked back. I'm 62 and that letter was just a few years ago. I wish I had done it sooner.
🥹 All the chills… I’m so sad you dealt with generational baggage/dysfunction/trauma, and… I’m soooo happy that weight was at last lifted. Courageous of you to do that. How I long for that too. And, I am encouraged that it will be! ♥️🙏
Happy Valentine’s Day. May it meet your expectations, and I don’t need details! Sometimes the lesson to be learned from a parent is how not to be a parent. You’re clearly dealing with things - which is way better than avoiding them.
Thank you so much Sam! 🥹 Your comment warms my heart!!! 🙏
I too have mommy issues… I think a lot of us do, and don’t share that.
Time does make things better, and I am now forced with the future of reversible parenting.
That is scared… can I take care of her with all the hidden resentment I carry?
This resonates so much. I see you. I have similar feelings.
Well...if this comment didn't just stab me straight in the heart. It's as if I wrote it myself. Sending you lots of love, my friend. ❤️
Oh Di, huge hugs to you… ♥️♥️♥️ To be forced to care when there is unresolved pain is a heavy burden indeed. Sending you love and I pray you can find peace and unburdening.🙏
Your writing is so visceral! I have physical reactions, like damn.
I adore that it became a love letter to yourself and you still shared that too. 💜
Thank you so so much for your words Sam! 🥹🙏 I think we should all write a lot more love letters to ourselves. ♥️♥️♥️
I think so many women have very similar stories about the way that shame is passed down from mother to daughter. It’s my experience, too, and I did a very bad job of dealing with the shame and passed it on, unfortunately, something which caused pain to my daughter and to me. I aapsul your bravery!
Thank you so much for being here Susan, and sharing so honestly and authenticity. 🥹🙏 Your spirit warms my heart, and encourages me to keep being brave, face my shame, and stop the cycle. ♥️♥️♥️ I pray you and your daughter have found found healing. 🙏
I feel like I need to pay you on the weekly because I always get gut punched when I read your posts. Not in like a, "this person is an asshat and this post sucks" kind of way. And, I'm not exaggerating...It's like you're writing from the depths of my own soul and in some small way, you're helping my spirit heal in ways I never knew I needed. It's both liberating and daunting and kind of amazing? So...it's's really only fair if I compensate you somehow.
I know first hand how the traumas of your parent's life can be casted upon you - whether they willingly do it or not. I'd like to think...no, I don't think it's deliberate. And I've witnessed how it can truly become a cruel, cyclical process that doesn't get broken. I think though, M, that you ARE breaking that cycle and your daughter won't need to experience the trauma you endured, and that, my friend, is such a beautiful thing.
Keep sharing all of your feels. As always, sending you a big ole mammogram hug ❤️
🥹♥️🥹 Chills, it’s so healing for me, knowing this is healing for you and others. 😭😭😭 I’m just so happy that this is helpful and healing for you too!!!! The generational trauma shit is REAL. 💔 And it was writing this newsletter that hit truly hit home for me how my mom unwillingly, I believe, passed that shit onto me. 😭
And yet— I do have a chance to stop the pattern and start a new chapter for my baby girl. 😭 I know I’ve already been unwillingly imperfect as a mom, and— I’m practicing forgiveness and doing better as I know better. 💕
Thank you so much for your support HHMC!!! 🙏
Mummy issues here too 🙋♀️ my parents weren’t overly religious but there was a HHHHUUUGE amount of shame around bodies and sex. I never got any education, so I made my own, which was not ideal. Now I’m doing my damnedest not to pass this onto my own kids but CHRIST ON A FERRIS WHEEL - it’s hard when it’s so ingrained!
🥹 Sara…. You get it 😭😭😭 IT’S SOOOO FUCKING HARD!!!!! The amount of fighting against ingrained shame sucks big hairy shame balls. 😭😂😭 Thank you for making me feel less alone. ♥️🙏
Megan, I feel this! And sadly I passed too much on to my kids for which I have apologized repeatedly. That shit can really haunt a person.
I can still see vividly the day my mother shut me in her room with a health pamphlet titled Menstruation. That was the totality of my education from her. lol! She seemed ashamed, so I felt ashamed…
It’s hard to accept the limitations of others who hold important places in your life, but learning to be your own mom is the gold! Sometimes I put both hands on my heart and listen to those little girls in me who didn’t get what they need—they have lots to say some days.
Thank you for publicly spilling your guts—which sounds terribly messy, but is appreciated by so many! 💖
Oh Julie, I so appreciate you!!! Shame is such a powerful emotion. And I know there are things I unwittingly have passed onto my daughter, which I am mortified over AND— will practice forgiving myself for and of course doing better with my daughter.
I love how you take care of the little girls in your heart. YES. May we all do that. 🥹♥️
And lastly, thank you so much for encouraging my gut spilling, it truly means so much. 🥹♥️ more gut spilling to come!!!
It’s healthy, and helps heal others. Please keep doing so—people need to see they aren’t alone!
May an Internet stranger offer you a long virtual hug, no words, no strings attached?
Yes, and it is received. 🥹🙏 Thank you so very much, it means a lot!
What a coincidence, I wrote about similar things yesterday! Especially the mom stuff. We got to learn to be our own mom. And we're doing just that 💪
🥹 Ahhh, love that so much, I can’t wait to read it! ♥️♥️♥️
Oh hun, you are brilliant! Thank you so much for sharing 🥲
🥹🥹🙏 you are brilliant too, thank you so much for being here and sharing your support ♥️♥️
So do I. No shame.
🙏🙏🙏
Our parents weren’t perfect people. I sure wasn’t a perfect child. I’m by no means perfect now. What I’ve tried to do is avoid doing the things to my kids that my parents did to me. Like a lot of us, you overcame a lot. Celebrate. Thanks for sharing.
But don’t dwell on their mistakes. Keep moving forward. Keep laughing. Keep dancing.
Yes! Keep moving forward. Keep laughing. Keep dancing. All the yes!!!
I hope Valentine’s Day was good.
Thank you! It was amazing. 🥹🙏
Ok I read this on Friday (per my religion that commands me to read all your letters on the day they hit my inbox), and I resonated DEEPLY- so deeply- that I couldn't really come up with words to reply. I don't want anything about my experience to diminish or minimize what you've survived. It's not about me - but I hope you know that by writing this here you are healing MORE THAN JUST YOU.
Brave woman.
I salute you.
Xx
Miss K, your words have wrapped me in the biggest hug. I am always humbled and awed by your ability to know what to say. Thank you times a billion for being you. 🥹😭♥️ Here’s to acknowledging the feelings, and here’s to healing. ♥️😭🙏
You have to forgive your mum, no matter how punishing, once you've truly forgiven and crossed yourself you can really move forward with your lovely life, the reasons of the past are the consequences of those times, you're carrying a ball and chain of pain and shame, blame lies beyond anything comprehedable, it must be released and the ball and chain doesn't exist, a mere mental barrier, forgive and dissolve, make a prayer for your good self and carry the battle scars as all warriors do, much love ❤️ I fuckin detest valentines day, it's erroneous bollox, true love exists 24 hours a day real love doesn't need marking, it exists without acknowledgement, it's life
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! 🙏 My prayer is absolutely to forgive my mom and live in freedom from the past. 🙏
So beautiful to get to witness! Thank you for sharing your process like this. It is a powerful thing to do 💙