Can You Help Me?

Also: The 3 reasons why I'm a terrible human.

Welcome to Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing hilarious personal thought rants every Friday. Sometimes on shame, sometimes shame infused, and other times, nothing to do with shame. Enjoy responsibly.

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I’m a terrible human for 3 reasons.

Actually, there are probably 8,752 reasons why I’m a terrible human but we’re going to focus on THREE reasons in today’s newsletter because honestly, I will probably shrivel up and fall inside my own vagina never to be seen again if I were to discuss them all and WHO WANTS THAT. LEAST OF ALL ME. AND PRESUMABLY MY LADY VICTORIA.

Swiftly moving on.

Here’s why I’m a terrible human.

Reason #1 —

I’ve got 41 tabs open on my Chrome browser not even mentioning Safari what you don’t double browser WTF right now. And 17, I repeat SEVENTEEN of them are from the same fucking site.

What site? WAYFAIR DOT COM.

filthy porn

Plus another FIVE from Etsy.

And another SEVEN from various interior design-related sites.

And whatever the hell other random tabs I’ve got open.

🙄

Here’s the sitch. I WANT A PINTEREST-WORTHY, AIRBNB-ESQUE, IG-SWOONWORHTY MOTHERFUCKING BEDROOM.

I looooooooove interior design. The energy of a space speaks to me, ok.

It either turns me on, or sucks the shit out of me. ← Not a sponsor for ColoGaurd®.

And while I don’t have the budget to do what I REALLY want, I’m still determined to make my bedroom turn me on. Winky-Winky. LOL. Not what I mean but not not what I mean. Hmmmm.

AS I WAS SAYING. I’m ready to razzle dazzle my room. I’ve been living here for 10 months and have a cute little room fund set aside. Except, it’s a process, you know?

One does not simply razzle dazzle without having an existential crisis and having SEVENTEEN Wayfair.com tabs open. ← holy shit, today is also the 17th!!! ← pls, someone tell me what this means???

I CAN’T SPEND $$$ ON SHIT WITHOUT KNOWING THAT I’M A) FINDING THE BEST DEAL AND B) THAT IT’S ACTUALLY GOING TO LOOK FABULOUS AND IS WHAT I WANT, YOU KNOW?

Le Sigh.

So yes, I would give myself a terrible person rating for having 17 tabs from the same website open, for dayyyyyyys. Because I can’t make up my Jesus Christ-ing mind.

Reason #2 —

I hate my child’s cat’s purr. KRRRRRRR-KRUUUUUUU, KRRRRRR-KRUHHHHHHH.

Over and over and over and over!!!!!!!!!!!

braces for imminent damnation from cat lovers everywhere, and cat claws everywhere

WHICH OBVIOUSLY MAKES ME A TERRIBLE PERSON. WHO HATES ON A CAT EXPRESSING THEIR LOVE FOR YOU?????

Me! 🙋‍♀️

I do.

Thankfully the purr noise doesn’t annoy me ALL the time, but when it does, it does. 😭

And… the cat is literally lying on me right now, as I type, purring away.

See????👇

KRRRRRRR-KRUUUUUUU, KRRRRRR-KRUHHHHHHH, KRRRRRRR-KRUUUUUUU.

I’m not sure why the sound annoys me so much, BUT IT DOES.

A purring kitty is so precious!!!! I fully acknowledge that. And, I may or may not be very damn attached to this cat. Just don’t tell anyone.

BUT DOES THAT MEAN I LIKE THE PURRING NOISE? NO, NO IT DOES NOT.

So I’m just going to be over here with the cat perched on me, purring away and feeling very awkward about the hateful thoughts I’m directing at my cat’s throat motor. And that’s all I’m going to say about it.

REASON #3 —

I have a serious secret that I’ve been keeping from you.

.

.

.

did it just get colder in here or is that just my soul?

Ok fine, it’s not really a secret but maybe more of an omission by shame.

whew, deep breaths.

Here goes—

I have a giant zit on my left tit.

Hahahahahahahah JK I do not have a giant zit on my left tit!!!!!!

😂😂😂

(((Apologizes for laughing it you have that though)))

I get joke-y when I’m nervous and tend to stall which is what I’m doing right now.

😬

FINE!!! I will tell you.

gulps

I’m not always hilarious, sweary, strikethrough Megan.

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When I shamefully started my Shame Sandwich newsletter in May of last year, I thought what I had buried away and was hiding from the world for so long was my hilarious, sweary, strikethrough Megan’d self, but it turns out I was wrong.

There is still more of me that I’m hiding.

And that cuts me 1,001 shameful cuts to admit that.

I, Megan Lee, who preaches vulnerability and authenticity and is my “real unfiltered self” on Substack still have… more layers to who I am.

I have a very deep, raw, dare I say piercing side to how I express myself that I haven’t shared.

(Ironically enough, I did let that side come through more in my “I hate it here” newsletter which is my most engaged piece to date.)

I desperately want to start sharing this additional layer of expression but I’m MIGHTY, MIGHTY NERVOUS.

I’ve had a Shame Sandwich regression, folks.

Just when I was getting somewhat comfortable in my hilarious, sweary, strikethrough self, I’m now back cowering in the closet, peaking out through the keyhole wondering how the cheese sticks I’m going to make it out of this closet without anyone realizing the NAKED THOUGHTS I’M WEARING WRITING ARE SOMETIMES... INTENSE, BRUTAL, PIERCING.

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For the last 7+ months, I’ve been building my Shame Sandwich newsletter with its own distinctive literary blend of hilarious sweary commentary and signature strikethroughs. Making you laugh as much as I make you feel seen. ← Or something like that.

I’m extremely proud of my newsletter and even more proud of the community I’m building.

I set out to be myself and I’ve done just that. And it’s working.

The amount of joy my newsletter and community bring me is INSANE.

Except… I’m realizing there are parts of me that got left behind.

Shut behind a door I didn’t realize was even there.

Quiet knocks have turned into loud banging and I can’t ignore them any longer.

I have to let this serious, raw, piercing part of me come out, too.

I want to let this serious, raw, piercing part of me come out, too.

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Bring the motherfucking madness. Let it swirl. Let it consume me. Let it forge me into being myself. All of myself.

Except —

I’m not sure if Shame Sandwich is able to accommodate all of Megan Lee. 😬

If I were to be so bold, I would presume that you subscribed to Shame Sandwich because it’s vulnerable and relatable, yes— but ALSO because it’s delivered in a hilarious and sweary and strikethrough-y style. Is that right???

Would you still want to read Shame Sandwich if it sometimes took an sharp extremely harrowing left turn and delved into reallllllllllly raw emotion from time to time????

As in humor-haha-funny-sweary-strikethrough-Megan has vacated the premises????

And sometimes what came out was uncomfortable and messy and dare I say dark????

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Which is why I’m humbly asking for your help.

ahem

I would be immensely grateful if you would take a moment to give me your feedback!

Essentially: How do you feel about me introducing a new, distinctive writing style to Shame Sandwich? For example, one month might have one raw/piercing/brutal emotion newsletter and the rest would be the hilarious/sweary/strikethrough newsletter. Or some mix of that.

AND SO— I’ve created a poll!!! Please vote! 🥹🙏

Option A — Keep Shame Sandwich how it is!!!

I like the hilarious, sweary, strikethrough writing style and if you change it up by adding in a different writing style I don’t know if I’ll stick around. 😬

Option B — Start a separate newsletter for this “new style” of writing!

I’m all for you expressing yourself but I really like Shame Sandwich how it is, and I think it makes the most sense to start a separate publication for this new mystery style you’re being so coy about! 👀

Option C — Shame Sandwich is big enough for ALL of you, show us ALL your writing!!!

Bring on allllll the layers of Megan Lee!!! Even if the writing styles clash harder than denim and corduroy. I want your hilarious sweariness and your piercing emotions. ❤️‍🔥

Option D — Hmm, I want to see a test run of you writing before I make up my mind!

Ok, ok… I’m curious about this additional “layer” and subsequent writing style but I don’t know if it will clash too much with the existing Shame Sandwich until I experience it, can you give us a sneak peak??? Then I’ll let you know what I think. 🤔

Thank you sooooo much for sharing your feedback and insights!!!

And now, may you have the bestest, bestest weekend. There’s something about today’s date that feels extra special to me. I love the number 17. 🫶

I hope this brought you joy. 💕

-M

p.s - I’m truly in a tizzy ← wtf is a tizzy ??? over what to do. 😭 Why do I have multiple writing style personalities!!!! Megan Fucking Lee don’t you dare feel fucking ashamed for having a whole fuck ton of you packed into you. ← me to me. Ok. Thank you, me. 🥹 I looooove being funny and making people laugh. Fucking love that. And, I know there’s more I want to share. In a different style. I just don’t know how to make it fit in a way that doesn’t cause this newsletter to implode. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllppppppp.

p.p.s. - I have GOT to make some goddamn bedroom decisions or my computer will explode with all of these tabs open hahahah

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Hi, hello! You just read Shame Sandwich where I, Megan, share some monthly recap shit with you in the only way I know how: blasphemously.

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