“I’ve got to stop procrastinating. I going to start working on that first thing tomorrow.”
You? Broken? Hardly. You understand things about your core self that most don’t figure out until they’re 20 years older than you are.
Some do their best work when they’re fighting a deadline. It’s just their nature. I’ve written term papers at 2 AM, absolutely *crammed* all night for an 8 AM exam and forgotten every single bit of it by 10. Sometimes procrastination keeps you from overthinking something to death. There’s nothing like just slamming something out at the last second because you have no choice.
Yet on one of my jobs I got *right* to work on most tasks because if I didn’t some disaster would come along a minute later and stall the original task for days, or even weeks. I was the ANTI-procrastinator. At 4:55 PM, I would ask myself, “OK, what can I get done in 5 minutes?”
It’s all a matter of perspective. If it was better for sanity / survival to NOT put things off, you simply wouldn’t do it. That you can get away with it is a *positive*. And my hat’s off to you.
That thing you said about work... I can totally relate. It was mind-numbingly boring — I had nothing to do, but still had to sit there eight hours a day in a toxic environment. Then I got laid off with severance pay, and now it’s great.
If you can get severance, definitely try to squeeze it out of them :)
By the way, “laziness” just means you’re focused on what really matters and don’t want to waste energy on things you don’t care about.
Also, I’ve noticed something… everyone who hates their job but keeps doing it has some excuse for why they’re still there — like, “there’s nothing better out there,” or “it isn’t that toxic,” or “I’m too old to switch," and all of them lack motivation in their own words.
Excellent thoughts, thank you for sharing! 🙏 I would love severance, but alas, I don't think that's an option. Fuck. 😂 I'm glad you got out of that toxic environment!!
And... I agree. I'm in the driver's seat. What am I going to do? Hopefully start by lifting the brake pedal so I can cruise speedily towards the shit I really want. I've got a good feeling!
Just so u know...got mysnail mail this week. Thnx. And personally...if you do t think domething is wro g with you there is something wrong. Thats my constant. Hugs, Di
The feeling that something was wrong with me stayed with me for many years of my life--especially when I was a teenager and in my twenties, but also later.
The older I get, the more I accept it and take it for what it is: a part of me. Along the way, many people have inspired me and served as role models.
There is definitely nothing wrong with you Megan. And writing that down is very unhelpful to your subconscious. You already know what the answer is, you said it yourself. Go with your instincts and be aware of negative self talk.. it doesn’t serve your highest self
Thank you for the kind thoughts! I get where you're coming from, and I know our thoughts become our reality to a large extent. However, one thing I've *finally* started to realize/accept... is that if the thought is already there... "there's something wrong with me" and I pretend it's *not* there, or try and fake happy it away... the truth of the original thought/feeling/emotion does not budge.
And as shameful as it is... There is something radically freeing in being honest about how I'm actually feeling. And in telling the truth, I'm able to... "neutralize the negative". Or something like that.
Life is wild... and it's a balancing act feeling emotions and also not staying stuck in their grip.
For now, I'm practicing telling the truth, no matter how ugly. Because not telling the truth has only kept me more shame-bound.
Thank you for helping me articulate this for myself. 🙏
Hey Megan. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 I think the truth is absolute. It is empowering and freeing.
Something else to consider with regards to thoughts is that they are in reality all made up.
I make up stuff in my head all the time, then I get angry about it and then I remember I made it all up and it’s not real. Thoughts can only survive if you give them energy.
When you take it away, the thought dies and disappears into nothingness. Anyway, just something to contemplate 😊
Look to your skills. Look to your talents. Flip the picture away from the procrastination. If you don't like something it doesn't automatically mean you can do something to change it easily. Human brains come in many shapes and sizes. Your talent to write and be creative are clear to see. Your ability to keep treading a hamster wheel of boring work less so... Hardly a bad thing imho. It may take a while but you'll get there in making the changes you need... especially when you accept you for you (which you clearly our doing now... sometimes at least !) Good luck and as ever I think your writing style is one of THE best on Substack. I rarely read people every week but always look for your Friday drop. Cheers John
John!!! These words warm my heart, thank you so much! I AM on my own timeline, and I WILL get to where I want to go as long as I give myself the fucking time + space to get there. YES!!!
And, in un-related news... BRB I'm going to look for an ego deflator at the nearest convenience store. 😂
You don’t want to do soul sucking work that you don’t care about?
Maybe you should be asking what’s right with you.
As for not quitting a job with no backup plan. Again, what’s right with you?
And for having zero energy for figuring out something different before you quit your job because your energy has already been sucked out… yeah nope that also sounds reasonable.
You just may have come down with a serious case of realizing the capitalist society we are stuck in isn’t here to serve us. Which again… is correct.
Conclusion: your instincts are right. You are brilliant. Situation still sucks, not gonna lie. But you and your brain don’t so yay! For the win!
Hi, it's me I am trying to catch up with all my inbox full of substack emails. This one hits home because I put the "pro" in procrastination. Over time and work I have found it's an ADHD thing, and possibly (because I remain undiagnosed) ASD related. I have learned to "hack" my brain, trick myself and get shit done, even when I don't want to. Others are not so fortunate. Loss of executive function leads to all kinds of issues. At least with accepting you as you are, you can learn how to work within your own boundaries and make things happen in your own time. Love, Virg
Ugh I adore you… “put the pro in procrastination” is soooo accurate!!!! 😭😂 I’m “undiagnosed” but I’m textbook ADHD and I also think neurodivergent too. Wooo! lol. So yeah… some things are a STRUGGLE and I seriously think I’m fucked up until I exhale and remember… I can do shit my way, on my timeline, because it’s what works for fucking me. …as I go and procrastinate some more. But hey, at least I’m having FUN while doing it. 😁😅❤️🙏
It is weird that I'd prefer to me you? You who dance and swear and just is that you that is fabulously you ? I was going to go on and on about ADHD which I know next to nothing about but the meds I am now on. Or tell you sort this shit out before you become a grumpy old man. But you know what? You got this. Crank the tunes and dance until your soul sings out what it wants you to be...
🥹 THANK YOU! I am me... and when I mouth gag the mind gremlins... I DO really love me. And... "But you know what? You got this. Crank the tunes and dance until your soul sings out what it wants you to be..."... hell yes to this!!!
You wrote, "Sometimes you really gotta loosen the reins and let instinct take over. Even if it feels like an out-of-control procrastination orgy." This line really struck a chord with me because it encapsulates a radical trust in our inner wisdom, even when that wisdom manifests in ways that defy conventional expectations. It's a powerful reminder that our instincts, even those that lead us down seemingly unproductive paths, can sometimes be the very guides we need to break free from cycles of self-judgment and ultimately find a more authentic and joyful way of being. It's about surrendering to the process, rather than trying to control every outcome.
Yes, yes, yes!!! Our inner wisdom and instincts are truly divine. It's maddening how simple life really can be... just trust yourself. For our inner knowings always know. Here's to tuning in so we can turn the fuck up as our truest most magical selves. ♥️🙏
I suffered from chemical depression for thirty years before I began to take antidepressants. They’re amazing, but they don’t guarantee a constant, never-ending uphill journey out of hell. When Tя☭mp was elected President in 2016, not even a daily dose of pills could keep me from falling into a fuckton of despair.
The road for that uphill journey out of hell has sinkholes every now and then; when I was depressed all day, every day, there was a terrible, recognizable consistency to my misery. Once the pills did the magical shit they do and the depression lifted, I could see just how insidious depression had been for me. Those feelings of worthlessness that had crowded my mind for fucking decades no longer described me.
But every now and then I fall into one of those sinkholes. I don’t often see them and recognize them right away, and sometimes I sink a little deeper into darkness before recognizing what’s happening.
But I’d navigated this unguided tour of hell long before horrible Tя☭mp entered my life, and I was prepared. Whenever Tя☭mp or some other horror begins to consume me, I come face to face with my girlfriend and tell her. I describe what’s happening as clearly and as accurately as I can. She knows that reassurance is not what I need from her. I just need her to listen. Once I’m done, the sinkholes level, the dark clouds disappear, the sun comes out, and I can continue with my journey.
What you’ve written today is not so far removed from how I deal with the same feelings you’re having. Your readers — myself included — are your girlfriend, ok? It’s not that important that we directly respond. We're just here so you can articulate what you're feeling in a voice we can hear, so you can recognize again just how awesome you actually, positively are.
All the chills.... thank you so very much for sharing all of this. 🙏
"What you’ve written today is not so far removed from how I deal with the same feelings you’re having. Your readers — myself included — are your girlfriend, ok? It’s not that important that we directly respond. We're just here so you can articulate what you're feeling in a voice we can hear, so you can recognize again just how awesome you actually, positively are."
😭😭😭
Damn, that is powerful. It's so true... being witnessed is inordinately powerful.
You are soooo not alone in this, Megan!!
Thank you!!! Selfishly, I'm thrilled you're a kindred spirit in this!!! 🥹♥️
“I’ve got to stop procrastinating. I going to start working on that first thing tomorrow.”
You? Broken? Hardly. You understand things about your core self that most don’t figure out until they’re 20 years older than you are.
Some do their best work when they’re fighting a deadline. It’s just their nature. I’ve written term papers at 2 AM, absolutely *crammed* all night for an 8 AM exam and forgotten every single bit of it by 10. Sometimes procrastination keeps you from overthinking something to death. There’s nothing like just slamming something out at the last second because you have no choice.
Yet on one of my jobs I got *right* to work on most tasks because if I didn’t some disaster would come along a minute later and stall the original task for days, or even weeks. I was the ANTI-procrastinator. At 4:55 PM, I would ask myself, “OK, what can I get done in 5 minutes?”
It’s all a matter of perspective. If it was better for sanity / survival to NOT put things off, you simply wouldn’t do it. That you can get away with it is a *positive*. And my hat’s off to you.
Broken? Hell no. Just *human*.
Attitude is latitude.
🙏 Yes to all of this!!!! It's so true... I wouldn't be putting it off if I wasn't getting something "positive" from it. Humanity is wild. 😂
And I am wonderfully... human. ♥️
That thing you said about work... I can totally relate. It was mind-numbingly boring — I had nothing to do, but still had to sit there eight hours a day in a toxic environment. Then I got laid off with severance pay, and now it’s great.
If you can get severance, definitely try to squeeze it out of them :)
By the way, “laziness” just means you’re focused on what really matters and don’t want to waste energy on things you don’t care about.
Also, I’ve noticed something… everyone who hates their job but keeps doing it has some excuse for why they’re still there — like, “there’s nothing better out there,” or “it isn’t that toxic,” or “I’m too old to switch," and all of them lack motivation in their own words.
So, what will you do?
Excellent thoughts, thank you for sharing! 🙏 I would love severance, but alas, I don't think that's an option. Fuck. 😂 I'm glad you got out of that toxic environment!!
And... I agree. I'm in the driver's seat. What am I going to do? Hopefully start by lifting the brake pedal so I can cruise speedily towards the shit I really want. I've got a good feeling!
Just so u know...got mysnail mail this week. Thnx. And personally...if you do t think domething is wro g with you there is something wrong. Thats my constant. Hugs, Di
Awwe, yay! I'm glad you got it. 🐌📬 And... YES!! This is so very true. Here's to being humanly flawed and all the more epic because of it. ♥️
The feeling that something was wrong with me stayed with me for many years of my life--especially when I was a teenager and in my twenties, but also later.
The older I get, the more I accept it and take it for what it is: a part of me. Along the way, many people have inspired me and served as role models.
YESSS... a valid, real part of me. 🙏 When I feel myself accept that... everything relaxes.
So thankful for inspiring role models too. 🙏
There is definitely nothing wrong with you Megan. And writing that down is very unhelpful to your subconscious. You already know what the answer is, you said it yourself. Go with your instincts and be aware of negative self talk.. it doesn’t serve your highest self
Thank you for the kind thoughts! I get where you're coming from, and I know our thoughts become our reality to a large extent. However, one thing I've *finally* started to realize/accept... is that if the thought is already there... "there's something wrong with me" and I pretend it's *not* there, or try and fake happy it away... the truth of the original thought/feeling/emotion does not budge.
And as shameful as it is... There is something radically freeing in being honest about how I'm actually feeling. And in telling the truth, I'm able to... "neutralize the negative". Or something like that.
Life is wild... and it's a balancing act feeling emotions and also not staying stuck in their grip.
For now, I'm practicing telling the truth, no matter how ugly. Because not telling the truth has only kept me more shame-bound.
Thank you for helping me articulate this for myself. 🙏
Hey Megan. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 I think the truth is absolute. It is empowering and freeing.
Something else to consider with regards to thoughts is that they are in reality all made up.
I make up stuff in my head all the time, then I get angry about it and then I remember I made it all up and it’s not real. Thoughts can only survive if you give them energy.
When you take it away, the thought dies and disappears into nothingness. Anyway, just something to contemplate 😊
Look to your skills. Look to your talents. Flip the picture away from the procrastination. If you don't like something it doesn't automatically mean you can do something to change it easily. Human brains come in many shapes and sizes. Your talent to write and be creative are clear to see. Your ability to keep treading a hamster wheel of boring work less so... Hardly a bad thing imho. It may take a while but you'll get there in making the changes you need... especially when you accept you for you (which you clearly our doing now... sometimes at least !) Good luck and as ever I think your writing style is one of THE best on Substack. I rarely read people every week but always look for your Friday drop. Cheers John
John!!! These words warm my heart, thank you so much! I AM on my own timeline, and I WILL get to where I want to go as long as I give myself the fucking time + space to get there. YES!!!
And, in un-related news... BRB I'm going to look for an ego deflator at the nearest convenience store. 😂
I've been stuck too for a year or more. I feel like I'm "quiet quitting"
Oooog. FELT. May we see a new horizon sooner rather than later. ♥️
Hope so too!
Me too. We know what we Don't want anymore. That's a step!
That is a step!!!! ♥️🙏
You don’t want to do soul sucking work that you don’t care about?
Maybe you should be asking what’s right with you.
As for not quitting a job with no backup plan. Again, what’s right with you?
And for having zero energy for figuring out something different before you quit your job because your energy has already been sucked out… yeah nope that also sounds reasonable.
You just may have come down with a serious case of realizing the capitalist society we are stuck in isn’t here to serve us. Which again… is correct.
Conclusion: your instincts are right. You are brilliant. Situation still sucks, not gonna lie. But you and your brain don’t so yay! For the win!
😂 Well when you say it all like that... I ACTUALLY KINDA SOUND LIKE A RESONABLE HUMAN!!! 😂🫶
Thank you Heather, I appreciate you!!! 🥹🙏
Hi, it's me I am trying to catch up with all my inbox full of substack emails. This one hits home because I put the "pro" in procrastination. Over time and work I have found it's an ADHD thing, and possibly (because I remain undiagnosed) ASD related. I have learned to "hack" my brain, trick myself and get shit done, even when I don't want to. Others are not so fortunate. Loss of executive function leads to all kinds of issues. At least with accepting you as you are, you can learn how to work within your own boundaries and make things happen in your own time. Love, Virg
Ugh I adore you… “put the pro in procrastination” is soooo accurate!!!! 😭😂 I’m “undiagnosed” but I’m textbook ADHD and I also think neurodivergent too. Wooo! lol. So yeah… some things are a STRUGGLE and I seriously think I’m fucked up until I exhale and remember… I can do shit my way, on my timeline, because it’s what works for fucking me. …as I go and procrastinate some more. But hey, at least I’m having FUN while doing it. 😁😅❤️🙏
It is weird that I'd prefer to me you? You who dance and swear and just is that you that is fabulously you ? I was going to go on and on about ADHD which I know next to nothing about but the meds I am now on. Or tell you sort this shit out before you become a grumpy old man. But you know what? You got this. Crank the tunes and dance until your soul sings out what it wants you to be...
🥹 THANK YOU! I am me... and when I mouth gag the mind gremlins... I DO really love me. And... "But you know what? You got this. Crank the tunes and dance until your soul sings out what it wants you to be..."... hell yes to this!!!
You wrote, "Sometimes you really gotta loosen the reins and let instinct take over. Even if it feels like an out-of-control procrastination orgy." This line really struck a chord with me because it encapsulates a radical trust in our inner wisdom, even when that wisdom manifests in ways that defy conventional expectations. It's a powerful reminder that our instincts, even those that lead us down seemingly unproductive paths, can sometimes be the very guides we need to break free from cycles of self-judgment and ultimately find a more authentic and joyful way of being. It's about surrendering to the process, rather than trying to control every outcome.
Yes, yes, yes!!! Our inner wisdom and instincts are truly divine. It's maddening how simple life really can be... just trust yourself. For our inner knowings always know. Here's to tuning in so we can turn the fuck up as our truest most magical selves. ♥️🙏
I suffered from chemical depression for thirty years before I began to take antidepressants. They’re amazing, but they don’t guarantee a constant, never-ending uphill journey out of hell. When Tя☭mp was elected President in 2016, not even a daily dose of pills could keep me from falling into a fuckton of despair.
The road for that uphill journey out of hell has sinkholes every now and then; when I was depressed all day, every day, there was a terrible, recognizable consistency to my misery. Once the pills did the magical shit they do and the depression lifted, I could see just how insidious depression had been for me. Those feelings of worthlessness that had crowded my mind for fucking decades no longer described me.
But every now and then I fall into one of those sinkholes. I don’t often see them and recognize them right away, and sometimes I sink a little deeper into darkness before recognizing what’s happening.
But I’d navigated this unguided tour of hell long before horrible Tя☭mp entered my life, and I was prepared. Whenever Tя☭mp or some other horror begins to consume me, I come face to face with my girlfriend and tell her. I describe what’s happening as clearly and as accurately as I can. She knows that reassurance is not what I need from her. I just need her to listen. Once I’m done, the sinkholes level, the dark clouds disappear, the sun comes out, and I can continue with my journey.
What you’ve written today is not so far removed from how I deal with the same feelings you’re having. Your readers — myself included — are your girlfriend, ok? It’s not that important that we directly respond. We're just here so you can articulate what you're feeling in a voice we can hear, so you can recognize again just how awesome you actually, positively are.
All the chills.... thank you so very much for sharing all of this. 🙏
"What you’ve written today is not so far removed from how I deal with the same feelings you’re having. Your readers — myself included — are your girlfriend, ok? It’s not that important that we directly respond. We're just here so you can articulate what you're feeling in a voice we can hear, so you can recognize again just how awesome you actually, positively are."
😭😭😭
Damn, that is powerful. It's so true... being witnessed is inordinately powerful.
Thank you for witnessing me. ♥️
After rooting that I’d say you have a pretty good handle on what’s wrong
...Yes! God I love writing so much. 🥹🥹
I looked around the room for hidden cameras or microphones as I read your entry! It's like you nailed ME 🙂! Very much enjoyed bring on more!
Heheh thank you Carlos!!! So glad this resonated, and here's to being not ok but still being ok!!! 🙏
Indeed, girl. Indeed.