You are doing deep work. It sucks to go through the emotions and face the feelings that have been suppressed for so long. Take extra special care of yourself and be kind and gentle while you are going through this. It is a story we have been told that we had to be strong and keep it all in. Healing is done in community and having a safe space to share with a therapist and close friends. You have got this. ❤️
"It is a story we have been told that we had to be strong and keep it all in".... UGH I definitely needed to hear this... I have such "shame around my shame" and the "struggle of struggling". Thank you so much!!! 🥹♥️
Really leaning into the process.Healing f*****g sucks. Warm baths ,Epsom bathsalt,organic. Castor oil(the good sh*t). Our soul and hearts can't heal without taking really good care of the shell, the vehicle, vessel that carries the fysical weight of our pain. God Speed.
Thank you for this M.Storm!!! YES!!!! The shell realllllllllly needs pampering after eating rodent ass. 😭♥️ It really is the vessel. And I need to be reminded of this OFTEN. 🙏🙏🙏
The way you write cracks me up. Back in my day it was called “stream of consciousness” and when I was in high school in 1968, I remember I wrote an English paper in stream of consciousness and I actually got an “A” on it. Also, one of my favorite books, “As I Lay Dying” by William Faulkner is written in stream of consciousness. As for snail mail, after one of the painful years I’ve ever had, I’ve been reconnecting with far flung friends and family by writing snail mail letters. I’m finding it very comforting.
Hahah YAY!!! Cracking people up is one of the things that brings me immense joy!! 😂♥️ I love that you love stream of consciousness writing too! I will have to check out the book as well. I haven't heard of it before - thank you for the recommendation. And - I LOVE that you've been reconnecting by snail mail... that is so beautiful. Sending love your way!
this is one reason I dont like the A (anonymous) in the 12 steps. It hides the shit in some ways, and shame just lurks. I think if people just were more honest ... not honest... deeper... I dont know. But 120 days of rehab and sexuality was mentioned twice. Meanwhile men have issues with porn, with bad behaviour, and women, well I won't say, not my place and worse than what most men go through.... i would delete this... because i am not sure if this is appropriate (and sex can be replaced with crime/lying/family) but you didnt delete.... I also think I am mortally afraid of the rats ass. I think that is why I have no memory, and am detached from emotions. I dont think anything terrible lurks but I think if i look at my mundane shame and low self esteem and self worth ... if i ever crack I'll be humpty dumpty all in pieces...
Yes... shame is EVIL and will do everything in its power to hold anyone in its grip down. And even though I'm terrified too, I *know* the only way to be free is to confront it and be honest and truthful about it. So... taking baby steps towards rat ass eating hahaha. And, I'm glad you didn't delete this! See, baby steps. And I feel you on the humpty dumpty all broken into a million pieces... it's my fear too. But what's been helping me, especially processed through my personal journaling, and my newsletter and reading/responding to comments like yours is that... I'm *already* broken into a million pieces by keeping everything hidden in the dark... and confronting isn't going to break me further, it actually might be the very thing that *puts me back together*. Damn... that's powerful. Thank you for prompting this reflection. 🙏
I honestly think it might help to have someone organize a zoom group ... no camera nec. Anonymity if needed... more than likely no one knows one another and people can just actually talk out their worst shit..
Ooooh YES. 🙏 The power of being witnessed in the darkest shit. I am baby stepping my way to that level of no holds barred level of honesty. Hmm… maybe one day I will be organizing Healing Confessional Circles. 🙏
Let me know. I think it could be all genders and considered a giant permanent trigger warning so that people can talk about good and bad without judgement
You are doing the hard work… but you are also showing Amelia… that it is okay to ask for help.
Feelings are not always good, but when we ignore them it’s like your gut…. Things get all pent up and bloated and hidden and swept under the rug…hopefully to be forgotten
Eventually you get sick, and have to let out the heavy sigh and the holding in… or you get ulcers and you’re Full of resentment.
I love the synchronicity of this letter. 11:11?! She’s in the flowwww ✨
I love TbKtS, I’m feeling inspired to give it a listen on audiobook for a refresher thanks to your glorious writing!! Would you share with us the part that hit HOME??
I would wholeheartedly recommend an audiobook refresher! 🙏 And yes... I finally got through listening to the chapter that "triggered/made me feel sooo seen" this week. Chapter 14... It talks about the effects of trauma and PTSD can manifest in ways that make you have thoughts that don't feel like your own, like you have this divided self. A self that you are horrified by and would do anything to keep hidden, locked in shame. And for the first time I was like, WAIT, I'm... not alone in this?!?!?! And then specifically it talked about the transformation of being able to share/tell (talk/write) about these parts. And how healing/liberating it can be. Baby stepping my way towards that.
Thank the magical universe for people writing about these things, and giving hope to the shame sandwiched souls like myself. ✨🫶🖤
I found "The Body Keeps the Score" to be a wonderful book, too. It gets better. The eating, not the book. The book is pretty good the whole way through.
Oh honey! I've known for decades that the body keeps the score. Guess what, I read it about 3 years ago and it did the same to me. I've since recommended the book, and passed it along to loved one who held trauma in their bodies as I had/have/am. It's a messy fucking process, but you have to go through the mess to get to the good stuff. Love, Virg
♥️♥️♥️♥️ Oh I just love that you've read this book too! I'm curious if you did specific things like EMDR or other embodiment work that helped shift things for you? It's sooooo fucking messy. And--- the other side IS SO FUCKING WORTH IT. Even though I don't think I've ever tasted the other side. Currently still on anus. 😂
I’ve known for years that I hold stress in different ways in my body. It took a Worker’s Comp doctor/physical therapist and a massage therapist friend of mine to start identifying and working it out. My friend said she loved me, but she’d never give me another massage. The after affects for her were too intense. There was a lot of undisclosed trauma in my body, and I did work with a therapist to help name it and clear it out. Mindfulness, meditative practice (prayer), and yoga as well as warrior thai chi have helped me to strengthen the weaknesses that were left over from doing that trauma work. I found that book immensely helpful and sent it to a friend who suffers from debilitative migraines. P.S. The other side tastes much better than anus. Love you!
Wow, thank you so much for sharing. There is such power in personal accounts of transformation and healing. It absolutely gives me hope, and to remind me to follow my own unique healing journey. That's soooo fascinating about your massage therapists friends reaction. I totally get it. Stored trauma in the body is... real intense energy. 😭 I'm SO glad you've tasted the other side. Truly. ♥️ And I can't wait to join you too!!!!
You are doing *so* well. You have a guy who obviously likes (loves?) what you’ve been showing him. If you’ve been “keeping it real”, he likes (loves?) you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!! Warts, trauma, belly, round ass,… ALL of you! Maybe you haven’t learned to love yourself yet, but HE DOES!!! So obviously you’re doing *something* right.
Instead of keeping the demons buried, either let them go (which you’re working on) or just push them aside when they rear their ugly heads. In the immortal words of Rod Stewart in “Every Picture Tells a Story:
And if they had the words I could tell to you
To help you on your way down the road
I wouldn’t quote you no Dickens, Shelley, or Keats
Cuz it’s all been said before
Make the best out of the bad, just laugh it off - HA!
Thank you! 🙏 Making steps towards unraveling the tangled knots decades in formation. I wish I could have been "healed" before I met someone because this whole process feels that much more terribly vulnerable and my instincts are to hide the mess... but, it's all going to be ok. The best and only thing I'm supposed to be doing is just keep being myself, and sharing all the layers of me, come what may. Every picture tells a story... I love that. Thanks for sharing!
We’re never completely healed. There are always wounds. There are always demons lurking in the background trying to ruin our confidence and trip us up. As we get older the path to happiness becomes clearer.
I added it to my Audible list, but total disclosure...kinda scared to listen to it. I know you have to get through the messy to get to the goodness but it's so hard, and petrifying, and paralyzing, and...we'll, shitty. But, fineeeeeee, you're right. We have to eat the rodent ass to get to it. One bite at a time, I suppose. We'll get there and when we do, it will be worth it. All of it.
Also, only you can make complete sense of a metaphor that turns rodent ass into butterflies, lolol 😂🤣❤️
First, HUGS. I see you, you see me... we see each other!!! Alllll the petrification (just call me a mummy, Megan-Cleopatrashame IV <-- I tried to come up with something cool and didn't really work hahaha) around this too. 💔 And... if it feels right, I hope you listen. It's just soooo affirming. 😭🖤 And yes... it brings up alllllllll the rodent ass.
And thank you... I'm so proud of that rodent ass to butterflies metaphor hahahahaha
You are doing deep work. It sucks to go through the emotions and face the feelings that have been suppressed for so long. Take extra special care of yourself and be kind and gentle while you are going through this. It is a story we have been told that we had to be strong and keep it all in. Healing is done in community and having a safe space to share with a therapist and close friends. You have got this. ❤️
"It is a story we have been told that we had to be strong and keep it all in".... UGH I definitely needed to hear this... I have such "shame around my shame" and the "struggle of struggling". Thank you so much!!! 🥹♥️
healing is the whole shit sandwich of fucking rodent's ass AND golden goblet beautiful...and realizing you can have both-and at the same time.
the golden goblets of life's best juices are totally worth the rodent's ass ugliness of healing.
LOVE this. Happy chills. Both-And... yes, yes, yes. Thank you for sharing, my friend!!! 🥹♥️
Snail mail ? Yes please. Thankszzz🐍
Really leaning into the process.Healing f*****g sucks. Warm baths ,Epsom bathsalt,organic. Castor oil(the good sh*t). Our soul and hearts can't heal without taking really good care of the shell, the vehicle, vessel that carries the fysical weight of our pain. God Speed.
You got this. U were never really alone in it.
It is worth it.❣️We are all worth it.🛀
🇩🇰
🥷
Thank you for this M.Storm!!! YES!!!! The shell realllllllllly needs pampering after eating rodent ass. 😭♥️ It really is the vessel. And I need to be reminded of this OFTEN. 🙏🙏🙏
p.s. yassss to snail mail! 🥹🐌📬
ExtraSuper Important after
a lifelong "rodent ass eating session"❣️🥴😂🤣😂🥳🤣😂
🛀😶🌫️😄❣️
🥷
No rat comments here, just sending a big mom hug to you from a mom who has plenty to share.
Thank you!!! Hug RECEIVED. 🥹 And so very much needed and appreciated. ♥️
The way you write cracks me up. Back in my day it was called “stream of consciousness” and when I was in high school in 1968, I remember I wrote an English paper in stream of consciousness and I actually got an “A” on it. Also, one of my favorite books, “As I Lay Dying” by William Faulkner is written in stream of consciousness. As for snail mail, after one of the painful years I’ve ever had, I’ve been reconnecting with far flung friends and family by writing snail mail letters. I’m finding it very comforting.
Hahah YAY!!! Cracking people up is one of the things that brings me immense joy!! 😂♥️ I love that you love stream of consciousness writing too! I will have to check out the book as well. I haven't heard of it before - thank you for the recommendation. And - I LOVE that you've been reconnecting by snail mail... that is so beautiful. Sending love your way!
this is one reason I dont like the A (anonymous) in the 12 steps. It hides the shit in some ways, and shame just lurks. I think if people just were more honest ... not honest... deeper... I dont know. But 120 days of rehab and sexuality was mentioned twice. Meanwhile men have issues with porn, with bad behaviour, and women, well I won't say, not my place and worse than what most men go through.... i would delete this... because i am not sure if this is appropriate (and sex can be replaced with crime/lying/family) but you didnt delete.... I also think I am mortally afraid of the rats ass. I think that is why I have no memory, and am detached from emotions. I dont think anything terrible lurks but I think if i look at my mundane shame and low self esteem and self worth ... if i ever crack I'll be humpty dumpty all in pieces...
Yes... shame is EVIL and will do everything in its power to hold anyone in its grip down. And even though I'm terrified too, I *know* the only way to be free is to confront it and be honest and truthful about it. So... taking baby steps towards rat ass eating hahaha. And, I'm glad you didn't delete this! See, baby steps. And I feel you on the humpty dumpty all broken into a million pieces... it's my fear too. But what's been helping me, especially processed through my personal journaling, and my newsletter and reading/responding to comments like yours is that... I'm *already* broken into a million pieces by keeping everything hidden in the dark... and confronting isn't going to break me further, it actually might be the very thing that *puts me back together*. Damn... that's powerful. Thank you for prompting this reflection. 🙏
I honestly think it might help to have someone organize a zoom group ... no camera nec. Anonymity if needed... more than likely no one knows one another and people can just actually talk out their worst shit..
Ooooh YES. 🙏 The power of being witnessed in the darkest shit. I am baby stepping my way to that level of no holds barred level of honesty. Hmm… maybe one day I will be organizing Healing Confessional Circles. 🙏
Let me know. I think it could be all genders and considered a giant permanent trigger warning so that people can talk about good and bad without judgement
You are doing the hard work… but you are also showing Amelia… that it is okay to ask for help.
Feelings are not always good, but when we ignore them it’s like your gut…. Things get all pent up and bloated and hidden and swept under the rug…hopefully to be forgotten
Eventually you get sick, and have to let out the heavy sigh and the holding in… or you get ulcers and you’re Full of resentment.
That’s no way to live…
You got this
You are not alone
We love ya,
Di
Thank you so much Di, heartfelt chills from your words. ♥️♥️♥️
That is no way to live!!!!! Here's to feeling, feeling, feeling.
Thank you so much for making me not alone. 🙏
I love the synchronicity of this letter. 11:11?! She’s in the flowwww ✨
I love TbKtS, I’m feeling inspired to give it a listen on audiobook for a refresher thanks to your glorious writing!! Would you share with us the part that hit HOME??
Love this
Love you
Love,
Moi
Thank you so much Miss K!!! I love you too. ♥️
I would wholeheartedly recommend an audiobook refresher! 🙏 And yes... I finally got through listening to the chapter that "triggered/made me feel sooo seen" this week. Chapter 14... It talks about the effects of trauma and PTSD can manifest in ways that make you have thoughts that don't feel like your own, like you have this divided self. A self that you are horrified by and would do anything to keep hidden, locked in shame. And for the first time I was like, WAIT, I'm... not alone in this?!?!?! And then specifically it talked about the transformation of being able to share/tell (talk/write) about these parts. And how healing/liberating it can be. Baby stepping my way towards that.
Thank the magical universe for people writing about these things, and giving hope to the shame sandwiched souls like myself. ✨🫶🖤
I found "The Body Keeps the Score" to be a wonderful book, too. It gets better. The eating, not the book. The book is pretty good the whole way through.
It gets better... THAT IS WHAT MY SOUL NEEDS TO HEAR. Thank you, thank you. 🥹🙏
It does. 😘I promise.
No to rodent asses?
*making note to never invite Megan Lee over for hotdogs*
😂😂😂 Hey, at some point I'm hoping to be completely desensitized to rodent ass so... count me as a maybe someday possible invite???
If you ‘n yours are ever in the vicinity of me and mine, I’m sure something could be arranged.
Yasss. Or, if you’re even in Antarctica let me know! We can fry up some ice! Jk. Midwest gal.
Oh honey! I've known for decades that the body keeps the score. Guess what, I read it about 3 years ago and it did the same to me. I've since recommended the book, and passed it along to loved one who held trauma in their bodies as I had/have/am. It's a messy fucking process, but you have to go through the mess to get to the good stuff. Love, Virg
♥️♥️♥️♥️ Oh I just love that you've read this book too! I'm curious if you did specific things like EMDR or other embodiment work that helped shift things for you? It's sooooo fucking messy. And--- the other side IS SO FUCKING WORTH IT. Even though I don't think I've ever tasted the other side. Currently still on anus. 😂
I’ve known for years that I hold stress in different ways in my body. It took a Worker’s Comp doctor/physical therapist and a massage therapist friend of mine to start identifying and working it out. My friend said she loved me, but she’d never give me another massage. The after affects for her were too intense. There was a lot of undisclosed trauma in my body, and I did work with a therapist to help name it and clear it out. Mindfulness, meditative practice (prayer), and yoga as well as warrior thai chi have helped me to strengthen the weaknesses that were left over from doing that trauma work. I found that book immensely helpful and sent it to a friend who suffers from debilitative migraines. P.S. The other side tastes much better than anus. Love you!
Wow, thank you so much for sharing. There is such power in personal accounts of transformation and healing. It absolutely gives me hope, and to remind me to follow my own unique healing journey. That's soooo fascinating about your massage therapists friends reaction. I totally get it. Stored trauma in the body is... real intense energy. 😭 I'm SO glad you've tasted the other side. Truly. ♥️ And I can't wait to join you too!!!!
You are doing *so* well. You have a guy who obviously likes (loves?) what you’ve been showing him. If you’ve been “keeping it real”, he likes (loves?) you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!! Warts, trauma, belly, round ass,… ALL of you! Maybe you haven’t learned to love yourself yet, but HE DOES!!! So obviously you’re doing *something* right.
Instead of keeping the demons buried, either let them go (which you’re working on) or just push them aside when they rear their ugly heads. In the immortal words of Rod Stewart in “Every Picture Tells a Story:
And if they had the words I could tell to you
To help you on your way down the road
I wouldn’t quote you no Dickens, Shelley, or Keats
Cuz it’s all been said before
Make the best out of the bad, just laugh it off - HA!
You didn’t have to come here anyway.
Thank you! 🙏 Making steps towards unraveling the tangled knots decades in formation. I wish I could have been "healed" before I met someone because this whole process feels that much more terribly vulnerable and my instincts are to hide the mess... but, it's all going to be ok. The best and only thing I'm supposed to be doing is just keep being myself, and sharing all the layers of me, come what may. Every picture tells a story... I love that. Thanks for sharing!
We’re never completely healed. There are always wounds. There are always demons lurking in the background trying to ruin our confidence and trip us up. As we get older the path to happiness becomes clearer.
I added it to my Audible list, but total disclosure...kinda scared to listen to it. I know you have to get through the messy to get to the goodness but it's so hard, and petrifying, and paralyzing, and...we'll, shitty. But, fineeeeeee, you're right. We have to eat the rodent ass to get to it. One bite at a time, I suppose. We'll get there and when we do, it will be worth it. All of it.
Also, only you can make complete sense of a metaphor that turns rodent ass into butterflies, lolol 😂🤣❤️
First, HUGS. I see you, you see me... we see each other!!! Alllll the petrification (just call me a mummy, Megan-Cleopatrashame IV <-- I tried to come up with something cool and didn't really work hahaha) around this too. 💔 And... if it feels right, I hope you listen. It's just soooo affirming. 😭🖤 And yes... it brings up alllllllll the rodent ass.
And thank you... I'm so proud of that rodent ass to butterflies metaphor hahahahaha
Great book. Rodent ass my ass NO
Yes to the Messsssssss
😘
😂🙏 Yes to the mess!!!! ♥️♥️
I don’t think I’ll ever look at a mouse, ground hog, chipmunk, squirrel or rat (among others) the same way ever again
😂😂😂😂😂 Honestly, samesies. Hahaha.