I Won Christmas!!!! (+ Pics for Proof) 😂

The Lite Shame Sandwich ::: No. 013

Welcome to Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing hilarious personal thought rants every Friday. Sometimes on shame, sometimes shame infused, and other times, nothing to do with shame. Enjoy responsibly.

---

December Recap

So I WON Christmas this year. 😂 No contest.

But first. 😬

To say I have an uncomplicated relationship with my parents would be like saying ducks don’t have feathers. #quak ← that was a weird sentence, I had to re-read it multiple times to make sure it made sense. I hope it makes sense. 😂

My childhood was rather cult adjacent, to put it mildly. And then, well, there was the time when my parents were completely NOT THERE FOR ME when I got cancer at age 23. As in… not even talking to me not there for me. Amongst a plethora of other things throughout my life. And to top it off, my daughter didn’t even know who they were for the first 4 years of her life because they still weren’t talking to me. Fine, I also wasn’t talking to them either.

So, um, yeah. You could say my relationship with my parents is… Complicated with a capital C.

However, the last 5 years have been getting… better?

This is largely due to the fact that my father has made actual progress at growing and changing or simply sucked his entire self up my mother’s anal sphincter and my mother has simply decided to pretend that everything is jolly and the past never happened.

Which suits my conflict-shame-filled self JUST FINE.

Bring up the family past and risk shredding our fragile-family-peace-truce to shreds?!?! Christ on a cock that sounds awful.

And so, with each year that passes, the past wounds of the not-so-distant past fade a little more and there is genuine laughter and joy that is shared. I love my siblings and it’s so good to be together.

But let’s not shit ourselves, beneath the laughter and joy is one terrified little Megan who is equal parts thrilled and terrified at the thought of actually being honest with her parents, about how she really feels about shit that’s gone down in the past. But alas, she never brings anything up. Our of fear.

.

.

.

⛔️ SHIIIIIIIT.

This is the part of the newsletter where I must stop tell you that I did NOT intend to dreg up family shit today. Not here, not now.

This was supposed to be a jolly newsletter. ← obsessed with the word jolly because my daughter has started using it casually in sentences and I’m just obsessed! 💕😂

A HOLY JOLLY FEEL GOOD LITE NEWSLETTER BECAUSE HELLO, IT’S THE JOLLIEST TIME OF THE YEAR!!!!!!! 🎄

And 72.9% ← my carb intake this week 😬 of me wants to delete the above and just skip straight to the lighthearted shit below.

But, fuck it.

Those are the words that tumbled forth from my frontal lobe ← I think? lol straight to my fingertips and the only reason I would cut the above out would be due to shame.

I’m ashamed I come from such a broken family dynamic.

And I’m ashamed that I’m ashamed.

Shameful, but true.

And so, I’m leaving the ugly bits in here. Even though I’m about to take a violent abrupt left turn which will lead to… jollyness.

Ready? 😁

*hands out neck braces in advance*

*prepares to whip this rig from Trauma Boulevard onto Jolly Avenue*

*commences whipping*

*arrives*

.

.

.

Since it’s firmly been established that my family dynamic is fucked up complicated, I’m now going to proceed with telling you all of the ways my Family Christmas Eve Get Together Circa 2024 was the best one. 🤯

It’s true. My daughter and I genuinely had a really great time at my parents and with my siblings minus my oldest sister and her fam because they aren’t invited. Estranged going on over 4 years. 😭 Moving on. 😭. There were mimosas. There was tons of laughter. There was amazing food. There were gifts. There were epic ping-pong battles. And….

I won Christmas.

The last couple of years we’ve been doing a White Elephant Gift Exchange thank the lord because I cannot be buying gifts for my large ass family and it’s been fun!

And this year? I fucking sleighed. 🦌 💅

With the prank gift box of all prank gift boxes.

Y’all.

LOOK WHAT I WRAPPED UP AND PUT UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

2700 Gentle RPMs 😂😂😂

5 year fucking warranty hahahahahahahahaha + dishwasher safe I CANNOT

Mini sold separately?!?!?!?!?!? Christ I cannot

An expansion disk?!?!?!? 😂😂😂😂

DEAD, DEAD, DEAD, DEAD, DEAD. 💀

Every square millimeter of this box was pure comedic GENIUS.

I cannot.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And, to top it off, my lil sister who was going on about 3 hours of sleep thanks to her bartending job was the first one to pick a white elephant gift, and, being in her sleep-deprived state picked my gift, unwrapped it, and gave the MOST HILARIOUS GIFT OPENING EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. It was bloody hilarious.

I.Was.Howling.

The.Entire.Family.Was.Howling.

It.Was.Epic.

I.Got.Everyone.Goooooood.

I.Won.Christmas.

Period.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Perhaps I’m healing our collective family trauma one prank box-induced laughter session at a time?

Anywho.

Now that I’ve effectively stirred up family trauma AND put a lid on it with some jolly cheer, let’s proceed with December’s recap, shall we?! 😁

---

What I’m Loving:

Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail jiz!

JK. 😂 I had to say it though. You know I had to say it.

I’ve recently come to a maaaaaaaaasive breakthrough in my skincare: I don’t have oily skin, I have massively dehydrated skin which does leave oil fields trying to ramp up the hydration and spoiler alert it never ends well and leaves me thinking that I don’t have a dehydration problem when that’s really the problem all along and so I don’t hydrate my face properly and IT’S A PROBLEM.

ANYWHO. I now know that my skin is chronically dry. Even though it looks slicker than a turned-on woman’s magical portal. ← 😬 ← me at writing that.

All this to say, I’m the proud new owner of two new to me products:

Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence and Hydrium Triple Hyaluronic Moisture Ampoule both by COSRX.

I’ve been loooooving them so far. Still a loooong ways to go before I have the face of a baby ass but I’m not giving up hope. That snail shit is amazing. Highly recommend.

What I’m Substacking:

The closest I've ever felt to my true self by

Marie Vandoorne

. Beautiful reflections from a wonderful soul. And I think it’s such a great piece to read as we look ahead to a fresh new year. ✨

If you want 1,000 true fans, give 1,000 thank-yous by

Michael Thompson

. At the risk of being an annoying fan girl jk I will fan girl all I like THE WISDOM IN THE PIECE IS NEXT LEVEL. So timely, and so timeless.

Hi, I'm new in town, wanna be friends? by

Taylor Gage

. I inhaled this new to me Substacker and am sooooo inspired by her story!! And I think you will be, too.

Don't Wait for a Semi to Hit You by

Alexander Lovell, PhD

. Ooooof. This one hits. And the self-eulogy?! Damn. I 100% will be trying this. Please let me know if you wanna try it, too!!!

Oh, Please! by

K. Alexandra

. Guess what?! I had the greatest honor to be interviewed in Miss K’s ‘Oh, Please!’ newsletter series!!! It was such a fun written interview (her questions are 10/10) on a topic I am very passionate about. I would be tickled if you checked it out! 🥰

What I’m Audio-Booking:

Pls don’t judge me, why do I feel like people are going to judge me?!?! but I’m listening to Atomic Habits by James Clear and LOVING IT.

This has been one of those books that I’ve heard soooooo many people recommend and in typical Megan fashion that makes me skeptical. If something is too popular I tend to get suspicious. Or maybe jealous someone could be that universally well liked. 🥲

Anywho I’m about 2/3’s of the way through it and have found some really great advice in it. I’m so glad I finally decided to give it a go!

What I’m Reading:

Ok. So. Last month I was RAVING about the book A Day of Fire by Kate Quinn and 5 other others. Truly was amaaaaazing.

And I was thrilled that the same group of authors (well, I think 2 are new) decided to write a couple more books together!! They aren’t all the same continuation of stories, but the same concept where each author writes a section and character perspective of the story as a whole.

Anywho, the “next” book is called A Year of Ravens:

“A novel in seven parts, overlapping stories of warriors and peacemakers, queens and slaves, Romans and Celts who cross paths during Boudica’s epic rebellion. But who will survive to see the dawn of a new Britannia, and who will fall to feed the ravens?”

…and I’m not sure which author wrote the first section (I know it wasn’t my beloved Kate Quinn!) but reading it felt like walking through cement whilst your feet are chopped off and you haven’t eaten in 17 days and it’s also pitch black midnight.

CHRIST.

I nearly quit. However, I’m ecstatic to say the other sections from the other authors have picked up wonderfully and I’m thoroughly enjoying it!! That is, when I can forget my PTSD at the first section.

What I’m Watching:

😬 I’m soooooo into Below Deck, Mediterranean.

Like, obsessed with this show. 🙈 Currently on season 3 and loving every bit of it.

And, of COURSE, me and my baby girl have been watching all the Christmas movies! I looooooove watching Christmas movies together. 😭💕

The ones I can remember off the top of my head are:

• The Christmas Chronicles 1 & 2 (my daughter’s FAVORITES 🥹)

• Home Alone 2

• Christmas Inheritance

• A Christmas Prince 1 & 2

• Candy Cane Lane

---

Aaaaaaaand that’s a wrap on today’s lite shame sammie!!!!

And now I’m going to SCREAM AND PANIC BECAUSE HOW IS IT THE LAST MONTH OF THE YEAR?!?!?!?! HOW IS THIS MY LAST SHAME SANDWICH NEWSLETTER OF THE YEAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HOW IS IT ALMOST 2025?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!

This year started off on a prettttttty bad/stressful note, in all honesty (you can read about that here, and here) and 2024 has turned into a year I will never forget. Lots of lows, tons of highs. So much has happened this year. And to top if off, it will forever be the year that I started my lil Shame Sandwich newsletter. 🥹😭🙏

Me, lil weird-shamey-sweary-awkward-laughs-too-much ME has a newsletter, and… I fucking adore it. And you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me.

It truly would NOT be the same without you.

To everyone that takes the time to read, heart, comment, share or chat about my words with me, thank you. 🫶

I hope you’ve been having the best joliest holiday season, and I will officially see you in the NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Cheers to 2025, baby.

-M

p.s. - just so there is no confusion, there was not an ACTUAL Roto Wipe in the box. It was just a hilarious empty prank box. 😂 What I put in the box was pretty great though, too. Whole coffee beans from my fav coffee shop, popcorn seeds BECAUSE POPCORN IS LIFE and, wine in a mini carton. 😁

p.p.s. - yeah, family toxic shit suuuuuuuucks anal ass. And I know I should probably air my grievances and all of the shame and truama I’ve buried from my childhood with my parents and talk about it as adults. But… it’s just been nice “getting along” lately, you know? 😭

---

Hi, hello! You just read Lite Shame Sandwich where I, Megan, share some monthly recap shit with you in the only way I know how: blasphemously.

If you liked this, it would mean the world if you could give tap the lil ‘heart’, comment or share! 🖤

Pssst, do you run a business? Do you want to make your marketing better than your enemies hilariously unforgettable? Hire me.