Crotch Sweating (+ Other Summer Shit)
The Lite Shame Sandwich ::: No. 019
Welcome to the Lite Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing a once-monthly edition at the end of the month that serves no purpose except to brighten your day by brightening Megan’s ego. ← for shame.
June Recap
The last time I was staring at a blank curser I turned banana bread into an XXX rated conversation. I solemnly swear I might do it again.
But not today.
Today? Today is also a blank cursor kind of day so hold into your tips ← I’ll let you imagination wander for that one and enjoy the blank cursor ride.
What will flow forth? No one knows what it means but it’s provocative. ← lol ← remember the movie Blades of Glory????? ← forever a Will Feral fan!!! 😂
GUESS WHAT???????
I ate way too much spicy salsa last night and I fear for my exit hole today omggggg woman!!!! I blinked and June is a premature ejaculation’s pump away from being nearly over and I’m wondering how is that even legal?????????
It wasn’t even a fast blink!
It was just a normal ass blink and poooooooof!
Which means Summer is already 1/3 expired!!!!!!!!! 🤯
Except, that’s a TERRIBLE way to frame that. 😂
Let me try again.
ahem—
What I meant to say was we still have 2/3’s left of my favorite time of year!!!!! 😍
Summer really is my favorite season.
And not only because my birthday falls in June. 👑
Although if I had to pick, June is a fantastic time to be born which means September is a fantastic time to fuck around and procreate.
It’s just such a wonderful time of year. ❤️🔥 Although there are some cons to summer, I suppose…
Ok fuck it, let’s see what the pros and cons of summer are, shall we?!
Ready or not:
Summer Pros:
Pro #1: The sun doesn’t cockblock itself at like 3:57pm anymore. MASSIVE PRO.
Pro #2: Lightning bug season. If you haven’t looked into a field full of twinkling assed bugs in the twlightlight of a summer night and fallen in love right then and there with anything and everythig what are you even doing with your life????
Pro #3: Festivals and fun. I’m on track to attend the most amount of music festivals I’ve ever attended ever and I Bloody capital B love it!!!!!!!!! The outfits, the music, the dancing, the energy, sharing these memories with my man… love every moment of it. 🫶
Pro #4: Nature in full bloom!!!!!! Need I say more? Nay. But I will because I’m me! The trees! The flowers! The birds! It’s all so utterly joyful and I’m obsessed.
Pro #5: Vitamin D. Because we all deserve that good D. ;)
Pro #6: Dresses and SKIRTS season. It turns out I’m turning into quite the skirt bitch and I never even knew this was in my future but I am embracing the airflow loving the whole skirt look. And dresses. Wooo!
Summer Cons:
Con #1: Kids aren’t in school. Bless all the hearts of parents who work from home their hearts. (((Obligatory statement because of horrendous mom guilt meets shame: I’m thrilled my child gets to enjoy summer break and all the fun that entails. And. Sometimes, juggling that and working from home as a full-time single parent leaves me Googling the 25’ - 26’ school year calendar start date. In all honesty though, Amelia has really been fantastic this first month and it’s overall been great. 💕)))
Con #2: Shaving!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus Garfunkle I’ve never shaved so much or frequently in my entire LIFE which is maybe why I’ve been single for so long? Truly a nuisance. Anyone gotten laser hair removal and loved it???? Asking for my long ass legs. And other parts. Although they are not long assed. Glad we cleared that up. He he. Moving on.
Con #3: CROTCH SWEATING. Can we just be honest about this for a moment??? When it’s hot like an orgy oven cooking a casserole Mama June would be proud of my armpits sweat. My back sweats. My sternum sweats. My thighs sweat. But my crotch sweating???? That’s just too much. And I’m in the Midwest! I would need a bucket and a mop ← that’s some w— ← refraining myself if I lived in the South!
Con #4: Electric bills. Insert disgust emoji.
Con #5: Ticks. I freak out at the mere thought of coming into contact with those bastard fucks. They can go to whatever is below hell and stay there. For whatever is longer than forever. 🖕🖕🖕
Con #6: Sunscreen!!!!! I would <almost> rather kiss a politicans asshole than apply sunscrean. Which says a lot. I just hate everything about sunscreen application. The beginning of the application. The mid-application. The post-application. And let’s not forget about the worst part of all… REMOVING the sunscreen. I hate it!!!
Aaaaaaand there you have it, Megan Lee’s very own summer pro’s and con’s list.
Now that we’ve established those lines in the summertime sand, let’s move onto this month’s lite shame sammie, shall we?!
What I’m Loving:
Lighting bug season!!!!! 🥹 And evening walks. My boyfriend and I have been having evening phone calls while walking and I think it’s just the cutest thing. 🥹🥹🥹
What I’m Substacking:
Parents, this is an excellent piece about navigating less screen times with kiddos. It’s fucking HARD to say no to screen zombi-ism but I believe critical for our kiddos. 🙏 Mmmm… I needed to read this. I’m going to write my memoir. And it’s going to mean everything to me. ♥️The life-changing magic of bed rotting by
Have you bed rotted for an entire day???? I love the idea of being that relaxed. But it also sends me into a full blown tizzy just thinking about that so clearly I need to do it! 😂 “You will not be able to see healing and growth taking place as it happens. It is tiny and incremental and frustratingly slow. But one day you will look back over three decades and recognise how far you have come.”… such a beautiful read! 🫶What I’m Audio-Booking:
The Invisible Lion by Benjaman Fry. It’s pretty good, and was on the recommended book list from the author of The Body Keeps the Score, but it’s just not anywhere near the same caliber as that book. So… yeah. But I’m still glad I’m listening to it as it is reinforcing some solid points on the whole trauma/body/nervous system trifecta.
What I’m Reading:
Still reading Lady Clementine by Marie Benedict and while it’s definitely grown on me, and I think the history within the story is fascinating, it’s still just “ok”. I don’t want to quit it, but if I knew it would have been this “dull” I wouldn’t have read it to begin with. Oh well lol.
What I’m Watching:
I have watched precisely ZERO shows for myself this month lol however me and my daughter have been watching America’s Got Talent and it’s… interesting! Of course I’ve seen clips of it here and there but I’ve never watched an entire season before. While it wouldn’t be my first pick to watch, Amelia really enjoys it and I enjoy watching it with her. 🫶
What I’m Musicing:
Are you ready for this????????
EDM music!!!
Prior to like… a month ago I would not have called myself an EDM fan.
At all. I just never really got the hype.
However— I went to an EDM festival with my music loving boyfriend at the begining of June and it was so much fucking fun!!!!!! Two days of wild music and amazing energy and soooooo much dancing. Absolutely loved it.
And while listening to EDM on my phone or laptop without the live energy of the DJ and crowd is not even close to the same thing… I must admit I get it now.
What I’m Eating:
I may or may not have a slight and by slight I mean casually massive addiction to these LIME TORTILLA CHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stop eating them. Jesus Christ. And when I whip up a little homemade guacamole too?????? Devil Bastards.
Salty-Savory shit is my herioin. 😭
Aaaaaaand that’s a wrap on today’s lite shame sammie!!!
I hope you soak up all the magic summer has to offer ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 and if you live in a winter climate right now, Fuck. I’m sorry 😂
HAVE THE BESTEST WEEKEND!!!!!!!
-M
p.s. does your crotch sweat too?????
From the bottom of my tiny tits, thank you for being here. If these words made you feel, it would mean the world if you could tap the lil ‘heart’, leave a comment or share this. 🖤
Want to give me a shame heart attack? Upgrade to Paid, support the Arts, my Writing, and Get Megan’s Private Journal Entries SNAIL MAILED TO YOU 1x every March, June, September & December, by way of Shame Sandwich couriour. 🐌
Just got back from Vacation... and read my snail mail from you. Glad you are having a wonderful summer. 2/3s left good way to think of it. I don't know how we did it without AC as kids.
I relate to the crotch sweat. I’m also adding humidititties and swamp ass. This season conspires with the bugs and lack of temperature control to keep me indoors… but I absolutely love the beach. That is the main thing that will get me outside.