Continuously Popping my Cherry (lol)
The Lite Shame Sandwich ::: No. 014
Welcome to Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing hilarious personal thought rants every Friday. Sometimes on shame, sometimes shame infused, and other times, nothing to do with shame. Enjoy responsibly.
January 2025 Recap
Fun fact: Each time I anti emphasize on the anti ergonomically posture myself into position to write why is the couch so goddamn comfortable!!!! I think to myself:
‘Holy fucking hell.’ ← I think that a lot, in general, too.
I also think I’m using strikeouts a lot right now and we’re barely an ass-cheek into this newsletter. ← completely unnecessary slash nor does it make literal sense.
MEGAN FUCKING FOCUS!!!!!!
Ok. Sheesh. As I was saying, er, thinking—
‘I’m a goddamn Shame Sandwich virgin writer all over again.’ 😬😭
It’s like the movie Groundhog Day… but for virgins.
Writer virgins.
Writer virgins like me.
When I sit down to write I’m stuck in perpetual shame writing virgin-hood loop.
Just call me a hymen restoration specialist because I know how to revert to shameful convulsions every time I write like it’s the first time and have no clue what I’m doing GOD FORGIVE MY SHIT-STAINED SOUL FOR WRITING THAT!!!!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
WOW.
Ok.
Here’s the deal-io.
I FEEL A BIT LOT VIRGIN-ED SHAME-Y RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF MY PAID OFFER ANNOUNCEMENT LAST WEEK.
And the fact that I gave myself only one week to promote it before the pricing went up.
Pop.
What’s that sound? My shame writer cherry popping again.
ICYMI: In last week’s newsletter, I made a special announcement and I had this grand plan of promoting my new Shame Sandwich Snail Mail offer more this week before I increase the subscription price on 2/1 aaaaaaaaand, that plan basically went into the sewer system with the rest of my hopes and dreams ← jk, they’re clogged in the loo, haven’t made it to the sewer yet. ← lol jk I’m still virgin-eyed with my hopes and dreams.
And it’s kind of fucking with my head.
Because, well, I DIDN’T BLOW UP INTO AN OVERNIGHT GAGILLIONARE. ← that’s shameful. I want to delete it.
Drats. ← D-rat. Hmm. Kind of a sick nickname for someone douchy enough to pull it off.
😂
I feel I’ve let myself and others down by not promoting it more because, well, the price goes up tomorrow.
WAIT A MINUTE— — — ← I think I just morris code-d
Fuck that.
Apparently, I’m in charge around here and you know what?
I’m going to extend the lower-price annual promo through end of February! The first edition of snail mail club goes out in March, too. 🤗
HOLY SHIT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!
Y’all have just witnessed me in real-time reach my hand into the sewer and pull my own shit back up. 🥳 ← bold emoji choice.
I have breathing room. You have breathing room. The sewer has breathing room.
And, if you want to learn more about Shame Sandwich Snail Mail (which I am REDICOUSLY excited about!!!!!!!!!!!) Click right here to learn more. 🫶
Anywho, without further hymen talk ado, here’s my lite shame sammie recap for the month!
What I’m Loving:
MY DAILY VITAMIN D WALKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is less love when the Vitamin D isn’t D-ing but my calls to the clouds aren’t getting through.
I’m seriously SO proud of myself for making the effort to get out in NATURE at least once daily.
My daily nature intake prior to this month has been abysmal ← don’t you just love that word usage with a capital A. 😬
I will love them even more when the weather stops turning one’s nipples into weapons not approved by TSA being so cold.
But for now, I’m just proud of myself for getting out there even when it’s freeeeeeeezing.
I did a walk in 7-degree windchill recently and it was awful but also kind of good but mostly awful lolol.
What I’m Substacking:
I’m Nervous To Dust Off the Hoohaw After Being Accidentally Celibate by
.“I’ve had a hoey past, so it’s not my first time vulcanizing the whoopee stick. But after 5 years of upright wink retirement, it feels nerve-wracking — like it did in my first few years of fornicating. Exploring Punarnia after my hiatus feels like it will be a strange experience.” Y’ALL. 😂😂😂Mothered by
. The subtitle of this piece is ‘Brutal and Beautiful’ and it is exactly that. 🖤 This one completely hooked me in start to finish.How Many Strangers Are in Your Teen's Bedroom? by
. Parents this is a must-read. Pleeeeeeeeeease don’t let your kiddos have unlimited digital access. 😭 . Excellent, well-written and thought-provoking piece. I’m still leery of AI for how easily it can outsource critical thinking (not to mention erasing true originality). However— I have been coming around to see its value in being a tool to help organize information and help calm the squirrel brain cells and bring order to chaos. But it will never, ever come near my writing. 🖤Ugly girls have the best p*ssy. by
. Beautifully, beautifully written. I don’t think you can read this and not pause profoundly and ponder what truly matters in life. 🙏What I’m Audio-Booking:
Where are the Customer’s Yachts? by Fred Schwed Jr.
OH MY GOD. This was first published in NINETEEN FORTY and the humor and wit is just brilliant. I also understood less than what I was supposed to understand from a financial standpoint because I listened to it on 2x speed but also because Wall Street is complicated for me on a good day so there’s that but the SARCASM. Y’all. I loved this so much I might need to get a hard copy. 1940’s edition, obviously.
I have not idea when or how this one got added to my Audible wish list but it’s golden. So glad I listened. 😂
Waking Up by
I’m on this one right now! I wasn’t sure what to expect but so far I really like it! It’s making me use my noggin which is exactly what I want a book to make me do. ✨
AND — it’s inspired me to start meditation again. And something has clicked differently this time around and it’s been really, really great. 🖤
What I’m Reading:
Soooooooooooooooo, I did something I RARELY if ever (???????) have done.
I bailed on a book I started!
😱😱😱😱😱
I know to some, this is common practice.
But not to thyself. ← strange, strange word.
The book? A Song of War by 7 authors including Kate Quinn.
Not going to lie I was having a hell of a time following all the character’s Greek mythology names, especially in Kindle format. Which makes it realllllllly hard to get into the book as hefty as this one. 😅 And since I usually read my Kindle right before bed, I sometimes am almost falling asleep towards the end, so when I pick back up the next night, I can’t remember what the still-warm-fudge-brownies was going on.
AND I SAID: MEGAN, CALM THYSELF’s TITS AND MOVE ON.
So I did.
Right on to: Where the Sky Begins by Rhys Bowen. Not going to lie, I don’t loooove it, but I don’t hate it. It’s my typical go to WWII era historical fiction genre but it’s not gripping, you know? The story hasn’t truly hooked me in yet, however, I’m still getting started and willing to stick this one out! I’m hoping it gets better as it goes on.
I’m also reading Adapt: Why Success Always Starts with Failure by Tim Harford. I’m about halfway through and really enjoying it! This was a random library find, and therefore had no idea what to expect, which I love. It definitely isn’t “light” reading lol but it’s making me think and I’m so glad I picked it up.
(((ALSO!! I forgot to include this one in last month’s recap! I read The Humor Code by Joel Warner and Peter McGraw and LOVED it. A really fascinating well-written book. Although apparently not everyone agrees with me as it has a 3.43 Goodreads rating. 🥲I don’t fully agree with their theory on humor, but despite that, I found it a very interesting read!)))
What I’m Watching:
You already know what I’m going to say but I’ll say it again to cement my shameful pleasure: Below Deck Mediterranean.
Bloody Bastard.
I’m just fascinated by all the interpersonal drama of being thrown together with a group of people you’ve never met before for 6 weeks at a time working on a mega super yacht!!!!
Juicy juicy.
What I’m Musicing:
Warning: Proceed at your own risk or your ears too might bleed because you’ve played it on repeat—
Feel by Robbie Williams (you’re welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
I was just introduced to him last week, and now I can only wonder how on earth I never knew of him before?!?!?!?!
This song just gets me. 😭
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
I’m seriously obsessed with this song.
I listened to it for 2+ hours straight on repeat on Wednesday morning and I have zero regrets. Zero.
Aaaaaaaand there we have it, the firstest ever lite shame sammie recap of the year!!!! 🥹
Filled with much strikeouts and ‘holy-fucking-hell-she-did-not-just-write-that’, I fear. 😬😂
Oh well, this is me, bitches. ← Me to the bitches in my brain.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 💕
HAVE THE BESTEST WEEKEND!!!
-M
p.s. - does anyone else feel like they’re continuously popping their cherry every time they sit down to write because of shame issues or is that just a me thing?????? 🍒😂
p.ps - I’m listening to Feel right now. 😂 Masterpiece. 🥹🎶
Hi, hello! You just read the lite Shame Sandwich where I, Megan, share some monthly recap shit with you in the only way I know how: blasphemously.
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when the weather stops turning one’s nipples into weapons not approved by TSA…..omg I actually lol at that one!
There are two things I look forward to to on Fridays….your news letter and RuPauls drag race.