Broken Glass, Heart Daggers & OVEN Pancakes?? 👀❤️‍🩹🥞

The Lite Shame Sandwich :: No. 002

Welcome to the Lite Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing a weekly newsletter on Tuesdays that serves no purpose except to brighten your day by brightening Megan’s ego. ← for shame.

---

Tuesday, July 16th

It’s 9:18pm on Monday night and I’m a bit disappointed (disappointed seems too mild a word, perhaps GOBSMACKED? Wait. What the chopsticks does Gobsmacked even mean, honestly???? brb google-ing. Ok– 😂 It means overwhelmed or shocked, I mean, sure, lmao) that I’m JUST now sitting down to write this newsletter that shall be landing in your inboxes tomorrow morning.

HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN??? HOW IS IT 9:18 9:23 PM AND I’M JUST NOW SITTING MY BUTCHEECKS DOWN TO WRITE???

For context, 9pm is my BEDTIME AND READ time.

And Megan gets very NOT HAPPY BOB, NOT HAPPY when her bedtime routine is interrupted because I’m also 77 years old.

HAHAHAHA you remember this from the Incredibles movie right??? I say it all the time, so good. 😂

ANYWHO. We’re here now. It’s now 9:26pm and apparently updating you with the time is the thing to do in this newsletter. I’m equal parts amused and displeased by it.

AND NOW FOR THE MOST PRESSING NEWS OF THE DAY BEFORE I GET ON WITH THE ACTUAL NEWSLETTER —

Not ONE glass, but TWO glasses got shattered in the Megan Lee household today. At separate times. From two separate culprits.

UM, WHAT?!?!?! Is it just me or is that WEIRD???

Not one, but TWO glasses being broken?

Glass breaking is RARE, right?

Can you imagine if you broke glass every day and it was NORMAL?

*Monday, takes a drink from a glass, drops cup on foot, shatters

*Tuesday, opens cupboard, glass bowl falls out and shatters

*Wednesday, washes glass baking dish in sink, starts to dry and slips from hand, shattering

*…Etc.

You see what I’m saying??? It’s not NORMAL to break glass.

And it’s certainly not NORMAL to break TWO glasses, at opposite parts of the day, by two different culprits, right?!?

And if you’re wondering who the culprits were, it was my mini-me, this morning, followed by me, later afternoon.

And so now I just have one question… is this a sign that a single Jason Mamoa is going to sweep me off my feet tomorrow or Satan’s henchman is going to string my by my toes tomorrow ← wtf Megan way too dark dial that back ← sorry literally what came out my job is going to find out about my substack secret and can my ass?????

Seriously, anyone out there who can interpret the meaning of broken glass, twice in one day, pls leave your thoughts in the comments.

AND — if YOU’VE ever broken glass twice (thrice??) in one day, pls, leave your experience in the comment. I have to know.

THE GREAT GLASS BREAKING DEBATE… BLESSING OR CURSE?!?!

*dun-dun-dunnnnnnnn*

Personally. My first thought after breaking the glass this afternoon had me thinking:

“MEGAN!!!! This is a good sign!!!! You would have never *expected* this to happen, so that means GOOD unexpected things can come your way even when you don’t think they are coming!!!! Wooooo 🙏”

…

…

…

HOWEVER. After some additional pondering brain going wild … I’m wondering if the OPPOSITE is true and that is a BAD sign. 😭😂🫣

…

NARRATOR: “AND THIS IS WHEN MEGAN GOES HOW THE HELL DID I END UP HERE?? 😂😂😂😂”

Chist’s asshole this is a bunch of ridiculous negative weird ass thinking I’m doing on this Monday evening. I’m going back to my ORIGINAL theory that the Great Glass Breaking of July 2024 is a GREAT sign of unexpectedly good things coming my way. Like, meeting a single Jason Mamao tomorrow OR you know landing a book deal. EITHER ONE IS FINE IN MY WORLD. But come to think of it the latter would be preferred.

😄

Time check! It’s now 9:50. Time flies when you’re having fun analyzing the Great Glass Breaking of July 2024.

---

MOVING → ON!

What I’m loving:

The weekends. Or, more precisely, that second 4:59pm on Friday turns into that sexy beautiful magnificent and YES seductive 5:00pm on Friday. There’s truly nothing like it. That’s not true have you ever gotten paid for your writing? JK I don’t know what that feels like. 😂

What I’m Reading Online:

Here’s How it Goes by the hilarious

Charlotte

. First off. HILARIOUS. Second off. BRILLIANT writing (her flow? flawless 💅). Third off. ACCURATE. I’m quite certain my child prefers her grandma (MY EX’S MOM, FOR REFERENCE) over me much too often and yes, the 83 daggers in my heart ARE quite painful, thank you for asking.

How to stop worrying about the future by the wise

Suzanne Heyn

. Long-ish read but packed to the brim with wisdom and insight. If the universe is trying to teach me something… it’s to LET THE FUCK GO. And, this article really stuck with me on that topic. This line → “That fate isn’t something I need to make happen, but something I must allow to happen” is really powerful to me.

Yes daddy government by the hilarious

Annexes

. Ok so YES I was a sucker for a that headline and had to click for more and to be clear… the headline did NOT oversell and underdeliver. It is so good. And scarring. And hilarious. And helpful. 😂

What I’m Audio-Booking:

A Hidden Wholeness by Parker J. Palmer. Fack. Confession: I have hardly listened to any more of this since last Tuesday’s newsletter and I feel a BIG FAT SHAME SAMMIE COMING ON BECAUSE OF IT. 😂

Ew, she’s like, so pathetic for not listening to more of that book in an entire weeks time. ← betches.

I shall work on changing that this week! 🫡

What I’m Kindling:

Still on Growing Wild in the Shade by Jean Grainger! I’m approximately a little under halfway through this one. It’s not quite as good as book 1, ALTHOUGH— I read some damn Goodreads reviews because I hyperlinked it last week and wouldn’t you know, I read a negative review that has now TAINTED my reading experience of this book. Of course I’m trying NOT to “read” too much into the fucking negative review so that it DOESN’T taint my reading and I come to my own conclusions but the damage has already been done and I cannot un-know what I already read. Word to the wise. DON’T read book reviews before you buy. WAIT— do you do this??? Tell me in the comments!

What I’m Watching:

I’M PROBABLY GOING TO FINISH THE CROWN THIS WEEK AND I’M SO VERY SAD ABOUT IT. I’M IN PRE-MOURNING (& ALSO PRE-PMS LET’S BE REAL) MODE ABOUT THIS FACT.

Also me:

*See’s preview on Netflix for Survivor*

Huh… so THIS is the show so many people are going on and on about for years now…

I wonder if it’s really as good as the hype…

*Googles*

Hmm, honestly it does seem pretty interesting…

*briefly considers cheating on The Crown for Survivor*

*immediately chokes on a shame sandwich of revulsion at the thought*

What I’m Hating:

That it’s 10:07pm and I’m still got a while to go before bed and that’s a raw horse shit emotional feeling, tbh.

What I’m eating:

Hold the landline. DID YOU KNOW THAT PANCAKES COULD BE MADE IN THE OVEN???

I was precisely Sunday’s-years-old when I learned that. You see, I’m very team anti-Teflon so I use only stainless steel pans aaaaaaaaaaand spoiler alert if you like setting smoke detectors off and ruining your mood for the next 2 hours, by all means, try and cook pancakes on stainless steel pans. WITHOUT COOKING SPRAY. (cuz homegirl is also against that. persecute me now).

Anywho. Pancakes. Oven. Fuck yeah.

So I repeat, did you know that pancakes could be made in the oven???

This is the recipe I made today, and MMMM, turned out delish.

---

Aaaaaaaaand, that’s a wrap!!!

I hope you enjoyed. 😄

-M

p.s. - see you in your inbox on Friday!!!

p.p.s - it’s 10:32pm and I still need to “edit” this bitch. Shitsticks.

p.p.p.s - it’s now 10:45pm and I’m now scheduling this shame sammie to go LIVE tomorrow. 🙏😍

---

Hi, hello! You just read Lite Shame Sandwich where I, Megan, share some shit with you in the only way I know how: blasphemously.

If you hate my writing please leave me a middle finger review and let me know. Exclamations are greatly appreciated. Emoji’s as well.

Or, if you didn’t hate my writing, a lil heart, comment or share would really make my tits tingle.

Alternatively, if you love my writing and want to show your support, you can buy me some coffee popcorn. I love popcorn. But please know, I will still love you just the same even if you never buy me some popcorn, okay? 🫶