bloating, yogurt and bank accounts š
PLS, DON'T THINK LESS OF ME AFTER READING <-- MY EGO (& ME)
Youāre reading The Confession which comes out on Fridays. Proceed with due caution.
THIS CONFESSION IS VERY EMBERASSING TO ADMIT.
IN FACT, IāM WONDERING WHY IāM ADMITTING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
NEXT THOUGHT: I WOULD BE A THERAPISTāS DREAM SLASH WORST NIGHTMARE TO WORK WITH WHEN THEY REALIZED HOW MANY ONION LAYERS I PRESENT. SUPRISE, THEREāS MOOOOOORE LAYERS!
FOLLOWED BY THIS THOUGHT: I THINK I ALL CAPS IT WHEN IāM NERVOUS.
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Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine Iāll quit fucking around and get into it.
JK I am not done stalling yet (š) cuzā¦
GUESS WHAT?!?! (ā thereās that all caps again).
Iām currently in the middle process* of making HOMEADE YOGURT. (ā jesus i apologize, on behalf of myself, this is annoying and I cannot stop noticing my own all caps now. going to ignore it going forward)
But not just ANY kind of yogurt. Iām making āSUPER GUTā / SIBO yogurt withā¦ *ahem*
Not to brag but 3 STRAINS OF PROBIOTICS in it.
Why? Because my belly bloats like the octomom (you remember her, right???) after eating one tiny nibble of pizza or one grain of garlic salt or god forbid itās got a speck of preservative in it or basically anything NOT prepared by the hands of virgin angels from the garden of eden. And yes, it SUCKS DIRTY DIRTY ASS!!!!
And, tbh, Iāve just been dealing with the bloat, more like - SUCKING IT IN for yeaaaaaaaaars (again, a therapistās dream or nightmare situation) and finally, in the last couple of months have finally been like, āyo BITCH, maybe you shouldnāt just continue to accept the fact that you have to live like octomom anymoreā and soā¦ I put my expert Googling skills to life and miraculously found something Iād never heard of before āSIBOā.
Basically? Itās when the ābad bacteriaā overrules the āgood bacteriaā in your gut and travels waaaaaaaaaaay further up your intestines and fucks up the hell out of you.
Not least of which includes bloating like the ocotomom.
ANYWHO.
That Googling then led me to Youtubing which then led me to the book Super Gut by Dr. William Davis and now I am putting all of my hopes and dreams and distended belly in the hands of this manās book.
Which leads me to the yogurt Iām making. Allegedly this āSuper Gutā yogurt with the 3 strains of probiotics in it has had incredible results for people. SWEET BABY JESUS IāM SORRY FOR ALL MY SWEARING CAN YOU PLEASE LET THIS WORK FOR ME? AMEN. š
*Currently, Iām waiting for the half-n-half that I heated to 185 degrees (actually I heated it to like 200 accidentally fml I hope that didnāt wreck everything) to cool to 105 degrees so I can add 2 TBSPs of it to the probiotics and prebiotic fiber, mix it all up, add the rest of the half-n-half, and let that baby cook for 36 hours in the yogurt maker.
AND - thank god, I think itās finally cooled to 105 degrees, BRB!!!!!
Oh my freckle-faced-lordā¦ we have yogurt brewing in the yogurt maker, I repeatā¦ we have yogurt brewing in the yogurt maker!!!!!
Well, I hope thatās whatās happening in there. I now have to wait 36 hours (which is the equivalent to 93 hours for an inpatient person like myself) until itās doneā¦ which means that 8am on Saturday morning (writing this on Thursday evening lol) I will face the consequences of my yogurt brewing decision. Damn, Iām nervous-excited right now!!!!!
Although I will be so rageful if this yogurt fails. Which, based on my youtube research, there is a HIGH probability that the first batch you undertake has great pleasure in bending you over the yogurt maker and saying screw you. So Iāve got that going for me.
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OK SHIT. I actually need to get to this goddamn confessional that I was hoping you had forgotten about by now. šš
Here goes my embarrassing confession:
Some days, I check my bank account app more than a frisky fox checks their STD report than is necessary.
And by āmore than is necessaryā I mean MULTIPLE TIMES per day. Dozens of times per week. Because Iāve got issues. šš
UGH I AM COWERING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THAT IS MORE EMBERASSING TO ADMIT THAN FINDING LINT IN YOUR BELLY-BUTTON WHILST TRYING TO MAKE UN-AWKWARD EYE CONTACT WITH THE HOT BOYS AT THE BEACH.
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Tell me, how do you feel right now after that spilled tea was dropped?
ā Better about your own life?
ā Relieved you arenāt a loser like me?
ā Checking your own belly button for lint right now?
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Now, PART of this cowering Iām currently enduring is due to the fact that I have an unhealthy relationship with my phone, (thatās been improving since admitting it š). And checking the bank account is another way to distract from my problems.
And SOME of it is due to the fact that Iāve got a very ADHD brain and I can do certain things and my brain retains it about as well as a mesh strainer retains water and I donāt remember what dollar amount the bank account app showed, so I do it again. Multiple times. Because Iāve got amnesia sometimes. (my goodness I sound so so so so so ridiculous!!!)
And the REST of this is due to the fact that I have a helllllllllllla fucked up mindset around money.
ā Major scarcity issues? Meeeee. š
ā Thinking Iām never going to earn more money and will always be one step away from penny-pinching? Also meeeee. š
ā Checking my bank account multiple times per day to make sure my money didnāt go on vacation to the Swis Alps and forget to come back? Yep, meeeeee. š
God, I cannot believe how REDICULOUS it is that a grown-ass adult woman would behave in such a manner.
Rationally, I know exactly where my money is. And goes. Iām one of those people who has an Excel Google spreadsheet with my monthly budget and track my spending every week. Iām on top of my shit. And hella responsible with my money.
Itās just thatā¦ I have this 1,729-pound belief strapped to my back that tells me I will NEVER earn more money than Iām making right now, āworking for the manā. That my just enough to pay the bills and have a meager savings is my lot in life.
And that my dream of being my own boss, getting paid to write, and create, and do what I love will NEVER, EVER be viable and I will never make money from that.
FUCK A BOBCAT THAT MAKES ME ANGRY!!!!!
Because I know itās manure shit. Utter rubbish.
And the fact that I know itās utter rubbish and that mindset is directly related to my experience growing up (childhood ā scarcity, etc. etc. etc.) and yet I still behave in the exact same scarcity mindset is on par with a bee sting to your bumhole!!!!!
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So, why confess this shit if itās so bloody shameful for me to face?
Excellent question. And one thatās been ruminating around my head a lot lately like a fly trying to get out of a closed window. buzz buzz smack buzz
I canāt possibly get a different perspective on my problems while theyāre still inside of me, hidden away, ruminating on repeat. But the second I let my problems out, for anyone to see, I instantly feel the oh-so-powerful-grip-of-shame loosen just a little bit, along with gaining an entirely new perspective and insight that somehow seems to help me move forward a little better.
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^That is why I overshare my confessions*. Because somehow, in the act of making known what is begging to be knownā¦ I become a lighter, free-er, (but still bloated) human.
Maybe Iām not really bloated because of bad bacteria, maybe Iām bloated because of all of the shame and guilt Iāve carried around for years and years. What a horrible yet plausible thought. Sobbing emoji.
(*And trust me, for every 1 confession I share, I have 33 more bouncing around in my brain begging āpick me next, pick meeeee!!!!ā. To be clear, not all of my confessions are shame-filled-romps. Some are lighter. š)
Now, circling back to todayās confession, my ego is begging to tell you that I donāt ALWAYS check my bank account app daily like a maniac, ok. š But sometimes, when Iām feeling extra anxious, stressed about the future, or fantasizing about an Ireland tripā¦ I do. I tap that lil bank app and get the sweet relief of seeing something other than $0.00 show up.
And a part of me thinks itās completely impossible to ever achieve the kind of financial success I dream of, while being my own boss, getting paid to be myself, doing what I love.
And also, a part of me also completely believes it is possible for that to be my reality.
Although I suspect if I put the two to an arm wrestle the beastly nay-sayer would win. Steroid slut. š
But. But, but, butā¦
I do have faith in my chestickle and hope in my heartā¦ that one day soon I WILL surrender my scarcity mindset, fully embrace the abundance that exists, and live out my dream of inspiring other people to live their best life by living my best life.
So, hereās to living like that. <3
-M
p.s. MY YOGURT BETTER NOT FUCK ME OVER WITH THE LIGHTS ON!!!!!!
Hi, hello! You just read The Confession were I, Megan, confess some shit to you in the only way I know how: blasphemously.
And hereās even more detail you didnāt ask for.
I have challenged myself to write 3x weekly during the month of June as a way to normalize failure to myself, and well, others!
You see, fear of failure normally paralyzes me from the brain down and I never publish anything that I truly love or brings me joy. So for the entire month of June, Iām free-ing myself to write whatever the hell I want, and if it āfailsā who the flip-flop cares!! It is an experiment.
So, if you want to give me feedback on this lil experiment of mine, I would be ever so grateful. Drop a comment and let me know if you like this kind of newsletter. Comments such as āit was more boring than Hillaryās assā or āI feel alseep with my eyes openā are perfectly acceptable forms of feedback. I welcome it all.
Shank you for reading.
You make me giggle. I think you are wonderful. Looking forward to reading more.
We want the full report on the yogurt!!
Itās Saturday!!
Stop what youāre doing and let a sister know! š
You are incredible, THE MAN CANNOT KEEP YOU DOWN.
Cheers to financial independence immediately.