Becoming feral step #1: Stop apologizing! We’re all works in progress! We’ll never *stop* being works in progress. I know in my particular case, just when I think I’ve almost got a tiny bit of it figured out, some real-life SHIT happens and I get SLAPPED back to Earth like a crashing meteor. We’re all Sisyphus, trying to push that boulder up the hill. We’re all Siddhartha Gautama, trying to attain enlightenment.
I believe the quote goes “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” The point is, we never stop. None of us are finished products. All we can do is the best we can every day - whatever level that daily best may be! - and not make the same mistakes we made yesterday. That’s it.
From what I’ve read, you’ve already come an awfully long way - much farther than most. So don’t be so hard on yourself. Progress usually comes in tiny increments, so tiny we don’t even notice until we’re way down the road and happen to look back. And then we think, “GAWD, what an idiot I used to be!”, not realizing we’re *STILL* idiots.
That last line… “not realizing we’re STILL idiots”. How that hits home!!! 😂
It’s so true though, the most progress happens in the tiny moments that aren’t visable at first. And when I pause enough to shut up my cunty mind gremlins, I have come further than I give myself credit for.
However, and this part is shameful to say… I have to stop apologizing FOR apologizing. Which is the cryptic way of saying… I have to be honest about exactly how I’m feeling or I feel I will never move past it.
So… who knows WHAT will come out in the great forthcoming Megan Purge lol.
Well, you certainly don’t have to apologize here, and certainly don’t have anything to apologize FOR in the first place. I’m pretty sure we all accept you *just the way you are*. What’s more, we *like* that. If the rest of the world doesn’t, that’s their loss.
'Tis a journey for sure. I think imho age and life experience helps the process. Also happiness inside obvs. Until we make peace with our quirks and hopefully turn them into superpowers, we are always stuck in that comparison mode. All I can tell you is that every decade for me has got easier in this regard. Definitely a journey with windy rounds but keep trecking and you'll get there.
Thank you!! At least I’m always never not getting older. 😂 Glad that is working in my favor! YES TO MAKING PEACE WITH OUR QUIRKS… they really are what make humans magical. 🙏
"It never ceases to amaze me how much writing helps me process my feels." This sentiment, Megan, is so incredibly relatable. There's a unique magic in putting thoughts onto paper, even if they're "all over the scenic path place." It's like an external hard drive for our internal chaos, allowing us to see our tangled emotions and ideas with a bit more clarity. For me, writing is often the first step towards understanding, a way to untangle the knots in my mind and heart. It's a testament to the power of creative expression as a tool for self-discovery and healing, a quiet, personal revolution in every word.
I heartily agree with JFT Beach. When I turned 50 I remember one of my colleagues telling me it was wonderful to turn 50 because you stop caring what other people think of you. Now that’s not completely true but 50 is when I began my journey towards self acceptance. I think I’ve shared this with you before, I’m mentally ill. I saw my 1st shrink when I was 14, that was 1965 and a year after my older sister (who was also mentally ill) committed suicide. I am 74 now so I have been in therapy (including one stint in a “nut hut” as a teenager) for 60 years. It hasn’t been all day, every day…but yes, I have been having my head shrunk for 60 years. I am still insecure, I still care what other people think about me (up to a point) and I also wish I could be an FF (Free Feral). However, at my age I have come to realize I may not ever achieve that…and that’s ok. When I look back on my life, I realize it’s been a pretty cool ride. So yes, I agree with JFT Beach, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.
PS - I am not as active on this platform as I used to be so it’s been awhile since I’ve read one of your newsletters. I still love your stream of consciousness style. You make me smile.
“I see it has nothing to do with other people at all”
That’s the truth right there. All your jealousies, insecurities, etc. Nothing to do with other people. Isn’t that… huge?
I think you are well on your way to giving zero fucks. Not because you have halfway released them- you don’t sound like you have - but because you are building the thought processes that will release them. I think once one goes, many more will follow much much faster than the first.
I think you are on the right track. Or well, you better be. I’m on the same one so I do hope it leads to that destination! And let me say something controversial here… aging rocks! (Well, at least until things start wearing out. But even when they do… surely the sense of self will be compensation for the majority of it… please?) but yeah - 0 wishes to be 20 again. Bring on the 40’s baby!
🥹 Thank you so much Heather!!! I’m so encouraged by your encouraging words. THIS REALIZATION ***IS*** HUGE.
And so is this… “I think you are well on your way to giving zero fucks. Not because you have halfway released them- you don’t sound like you have - but because you are building the thought processes that will release them. I think once one goes, many more will follow much much faster than the first.”… thank you for this. ♥️🙏
Hi, I'm late to the party again! Sheesh! Life has been lifing, and I haven't been substacking. Your mirror analogy is really cool, and I honestly love to read/hear your process.
You take some interesting detours on your route, fo sho, and yet, the entire time, your point is somewhere over there >>>>>>>>. You get there. It's pretty incredible the way you express yourself, with all the twists and turns. I hope you always give a fuck, and have hope for the outcomes. It's the journey, not the destination, right? I will always accept you, and anyone who is trying. I worry that if we ever do get "there" - there's going to be another there, right over there. If radical self-acceptance is your goal, it's up to you to create it yourself (You CAN DO EEET). Outside acceptance is fickle, and unnecessary anyway. Love. Virg
Becoming feral step #1: Stop apologizing! We’re all works in progress! We’ll never *stop* being works in progress. I know in my particular case, just when I think I’ve almost got a tiny bit of it figured out, some real-life SHIT happens and I get SLAPPED back to Earth like a crashing meteor. We’re all Sisyphus, trying to push that boulder up the hill. We’re all Siddhartha Gautama, trying to attain enlightenment.
I believe the quote goes “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” The point is, we never stop. None of us are finished products. All we can do is the best we can every day - whatever level that daily best may be! - and not make the same mistakes we made yesterday. That’s it.
From what I’ve read, you’ve already come an awfully long way - much farther than most. So don’t be so hard on yourself. Progress usually comes in tiny increments, so tiny we don’t even notice until we’re way down the road and happen to look back. And then we think, “GAWD, what an idiot I used to be!”, not realizing we’re *STILL* idiots.
That last line… “not realizing we’re STILL idiots”. How that hits home!!! 😂
It’s so true though, the most progress happens in the tiny moments that aren’t visable at first. And when I pause enough to shut up my cunty mind gremlins, I have come further than I give myself credit for.
However, and this part is shameful to say… I have to stop apologizing FOR apologizing. Which is the cryptic way of saying… I have to be honest about exactly how I’m feeling or I feel I will never move past it.
So… who knows WHAT will come out in the great forthcoming Megan Purge lol.
Well, you certainly don’t have to apologize here, and certainly don’t have anything to apologize FOR in the first place. I’m pretty sure we all accept you *just the way you are*. What’s more, we *like* that. If the rest of the world doesn’t, that’s their loss.
'Tis a journey for sure. I think imho age and life experience helps the process. Also happiness inside obvs. Until we make peace with our quirks and hopefully turn them into superpowers, we are always stuck in that comparison mode. All I can tell you is that every decade for me has got easier in this regard. Definitely a journey with windy rounds but keep trecking and you'll get there.
Thank you!! At least I’m always never not getting older. 😂 Glad that is working in my favor! YES TO MAKING PEACE WITH OUR QUIRKS… they really are what make humans magical. 🙏
"It never ceases to amaze me how much writing helps me process my feels." This sentiment, Megan, is so incredibly relatable. There's a unique magic in putting thoughts onto paper, even if they're "all over the scenic path place." It's like an external hard drive for our internal chaos, allowing us to see our tangled emotions and ideas with a bit more clarity. For me, writing is often the first step towards understanding, a way to untangle the knots in my mind and heart. It's a testament to the power of creative expression as a tool for self-discovery and healing, a quiet, personal revolution in every word.
Yes, yes, yes!!! I would be a shell of my true self if it weren’t for the magicalness of writing to untangle the mind knots. 🥹🙏.
I’m on a similar highway…thanks for speaking for us that also know shame and people pleasing intimately. Love your posts
Thank you Brad!! 🙏♥️ Cheers to the scenic route!!! May it be beautifully rewarding.
What you’ve said about the mirror is so true and I’m saving it.
We have to let go over and over. Of what others think. To everything we want to hold onto.
I’m learning this every day.
Sending you love and light, friend.
Thank you so much for being a mirror back to my mirror… 🙏
That every day piece is **SO** huge.
I get so tripped up in my head if I don’t become perfect immediately and feel like a failure for needing to daily practice something.
But, fuck it.
Scenic route and daily practice is where it’s at. ♥️
I heartily agree with JFT Beach. When I turned 50 I remember one of my colleagues telling me it was wonderful to turn 50 because you stop caring what other people think of you. Now that’s not completely true but 50 is when I began my journey towards self acceptance. I think I’ve shared this with you before, I’m mentally ill. I saw my 1st shrink when I was 14, that was 1965 and a year after my older sister (who was also mentally ill) committed suicide. I am 74 now so I have been in therapy (including one stint in a “nut hut” as a teenager) for 60 years. It hasn’t been all day, every day…but yes, I have been having my head shrunk for 60 years. I am still insecure, I still care what other people think about me (up to a point) and I also wish I could be an FF (Free Feral). However, at my age I have come to realize I may not ever achieve that…and that’s ok. When I look back on my life, I realize it’s been a pretty cool ride. So yes, I agree with JFT Beach, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.
PS - I am not as active on this platform as I used to be so it’s been awhile since I’ve read one of your newsletters. I still love your stream of consciousness style. You make me smile.
Thank you so much for stopping in and reading and commenting! You’re shared wise insights. ♥️
Here’s to accepting ourselves as we are right now, especially so when that means accepting the parts that don’t accept. 🙏
“I see it has nothing to do with other people at all”
That’s the truth right there. All your jealousies, insecurities, etc. Nothing to do with other people. Isn’t that… huge?
I think you are well on your way to giving zero fucks. Not because you have halfway released them- you don’t sound like you have - but because you are building the thought processes that will release them. I think once one goes, many more will follow much much faster than the first.
I think you are on the right track. Or well, you better be. I’m on the same one so I do hope it leads to that destination! And let me say something controversial here… aging rocks! (Well, at least until things start wearing out. But even when they do… surely the sense of self will be compensation for the majority of it… please?) but yeah - 0 wishes to be 20 again. Bring on the 40’s baby!
🥹 Thank you so much Heather!!! I’m so encouraged by your encouraging words. THIS REALIZATION ***IS*** HUGE.
And so is this… “I think you are well on your way to giving zero fucks. Not because you have halfway released them- you don’t sound like you have - but because you are building the thought processes that will release them. I think once one goes, many more will follow much much faster than the first.”… thank you for this. ♥️🙏
Here’s to being on this path. And aging. 😂♥️
Thanks for the shoutout 🙏❤️
You’re very welcome! ♥️
Hi, I'm late to the party again! Sheesh! Life has been lifing, and I haven't been substacking. Your mirror analogy is really cool, and I honestly love to read/hear your process.
You take some interesting detours on your route, fo sho, and yet, the entire time, your point is somewhere over there >>>>>>>>. You get there. It's pretty incredible the way you express yourself, with all the twists and turns. I hope you always give a fuck, and have hope for the outcomes. It's the journey, not the destination, right? I will always accept you, and anyone who is trying. I worry that if we ever do get "there" - there's going to be another there, right over there. If radical self-acceptance is your goal, it's up to you to create it yourself (You CAN DO EEET). Outside acceptance is fickle, and unnecessary anyway. Love. Virg