Deliriously Hungry.
Or: Please put a hotdog in my mouth. LOL.
Welcome to the Lite Shame Sandwich, where Megan feels equal parts shame and glee in sharing a once-monthly edition at the end of the month that serves no purpose except to brighten your day by brightening Megan’s ego. ← for shame.
April Recap
Three things.
Thing No. 1.
I’m 24 hours into a 48 60-hour fast and am deliriously hungry right now AND AM NOT LIABLE FOR THE CRAZY THAT MIGHT ENSUE. You’ve been served ← that makes zero sense warned.
Thing No. 2.
HOLY FUCKING TESTICLES I literally forgot what the other two things were I was going to say.
Jesus.
Halp.
Hungry.
Not thinking clearly.
Damn.
What’s the Morris Code for swipe-that-dick-like-it’s-a-credit-card-in-your-ass-crack I’m reallllllly hungry?
WOAH.
DID YOU READ THAT STRIKEOUT?!?!?!
WTF MEGAN.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Narrator’s Voice: And this was the day she lost 69% of her subscribers.
All I can say is I hope that strikeout brought you as much joy to read as it did me to write.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Sometimes I think that’s my life’s mission.
To make people squirm violently laugh their asses off. 🥹♥️
Because if we’re not fucking laughing what are we even doing?????
Oh HEY—
I just remembered one of the things I was going to say:
Thing No. 2 3.
HOW THE GLAZED GLUTES ← OK I’M VERY PROUD OF THAT ONE HAHAHA IS IT ALMOST MAY?!?!?!?!?!
MAY!
How?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I’m having a moment. My brain is short-circuiting.
Although that may be more to do with the fact that I’m fucking famished at the moment.
Even so… May?!
I cannot even right now.
It’s my last newsletter of this month! 🥹
With that being said… let’s get into this month’s lite shame sammie recap, shall we?!
What I’m Loving:
MY MAN!!!!!!!!! Y’all.
He met my daughter last weekend.
MET. MY. DAUGHTER.
Do you know how many men I’ve introduced her to?
ZERO.
I’m extremely protective of her and would never casually introduce her to someone I didn’t think extraordinarily highly of, nor really really like. 🥹
And, well… this man is one of the good ones.
It went so well.
He was so wonderful with her.
And so thoughtful and kind and sweet and I’m just gushing over here.
He brought us flowers. And origami butterflies. He made one for us each.
And special gluten-free, dairy-free chocolate for her.
And even remembered the cat and brought treats for her.
We went mini golfing together and had dinner afterwards.
And the bestest part? I got the “Mom, I like him! He’s really nice. I feel like I can just talk to him, you know?” from Amelia afterwards. 😭♥️
What I’m Substacking:
does taking my boyfriend to a sex party make me a bad girl? by
. I mean come onnnn who doesn’t love a juicy title like that??? And not only the title, but beautiful writing, beautiful reflections. The ending is just divine. Soooo much truth. 🙏. Such a beautiful, vulnerable read that I can deeply relate to. Mix of heartfelt, the thrills and ugh’s of dating, and becoming ok with truly being ourselves. 🫶Twelve 10-Year-Olds Changed Me at 65 by
. All the happy feels reading this!!! Our words are soooo powerful, as told by one of my faves on Substack. 💕. Holy Jesus this is phenomenal. Please read. Please discuss. Please be your most wild self. That’s what I want for myself. And for you. ❤️🔥Am I me? by
. 👀 Dis bitch done dropped her own link??? Lol. In honor of April being National Poetry Month, I wanted to include my own contribution. I’m really proud of this one. 🖤What I’m Audio-Booking:
I finished this MASSIVE listen (I think it was 28 hours?!?! but I do on 2x speed lol even so, massively long ← what she said): Losing and Finding My Virginity: The Full Story by Richard Branson.
SO SO SO SO SO SO inspiring. And it’s official. I WANT TO MEET SIR RICHARD FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER +MIDNIGHT SNACKS! ← lolol not me currently starving my face off
Seriously though, he is hands down my dream “who do you want to get lunch with?” person.
And— I’ve just started The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. Recommended by my dad of all people!
Suuuuuuper excited about this one, well, as much as one can be on such a topic. 🙏
What I’m Reading:
FICTION—
Still on Memories of the Lost by Barbora O’Neal! It’s SO good!!! It’s got such an edge of mystery and suspense and I’m loving it!!!
NOT FICTION—
I finished Wild by Cheryl Strayed and Jesus Mary and Joseph and a random Angel this book is phenomenal and every human should read it. The end.
I just started Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free by Linda Kay Klein and not going to lie… it’s not the most gripping writing. But… it’s a topic very near and dear to my shame-gripped soul (read: indoctrnated by the evangelical movement that fucked over so many) so when I came across the book I knew I had to give it a read.
What I’m Watching:
Yo. I haven’t watched ANYTHING for myself this entire month!!! Pretty sure last month too. Which is kinda totally cray, right??? I’m SO behind on my Below Deck Mediterranean obsession I had going at the start of the year hahahah.
Evenings post kiddo-in-bed are now filled with phone calls with my MAN 🥹 and then weekends are either with him or catching up on sleep from being with him and juggling being a single Mamacita. ♥️
WAIT— I did watch one movie this month! Me and baby girl watched Minecraft! Amelia loved it! And honestly so did I helllloooo Jason Mamoa lmao.
What I’m Musicing:
Ready for this? Kate Motherfudging ←fudge!!!! Me want goddamnit Hudson.
I had zero as-in-absence-of-any clue that Kate Hudson was such an incredible singer on top of being a kick ass successful actress!
Did you?!?! Kinda obsessed.
What I’m Eating:
NOTHING CURRENTLY!!! 😭 I’ve never done a 48 60-hour fast before, and I’m doing it because I want to see if it somehow magically resets my gut issues catastrophes or at least helps the tiniest bit. FML.
Pls pray for me.
Aaaaaaaand that’s a rap on today’s lite shame sandwich!!! And by all the GODS I want a fucking sandwich!!!!! I’ll make it too I don’t give a feminist fuck. 😂 MEGAN HUNGRY. 😂
And on that note, I hope you have the BESTEST weekend!!!!
I hereby declare that you’ve absolutely earned the right to let your hair down. I know I will be after this fast ends.
❤️🔥
-M
p.s. - At the time of this newsletter being sent out, my fast is OFFICIALLY ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time to go raid some motherfucking Taco Bells or some shit. JK I haven’t had TB in yeaaaaaaaars and I cannot start now. But I would KILL for some killer guac and chips right now. Popcorn too. OBVIOUSLY. And Kimchi and eggs and avocado toast. Also Reuben sandwich. Jesus talk about a foodgasm!!!!
p.p.s - Can you believe it’s almost May?!?!?!?! 🤯
From the bottom of my tiny tits, thank you for being here. If these words made you feel, it would mean the world if you could tap the lil ‘heart’, leave a comment or share this. 🖤
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If I only read one Substack publication, it would be your Shame Sandwich, Megan, because it is unapologetically you!
PURE. RAW. REAL. MEGAN.
Sure I adore you even more for calling me out (thank you so much for continuing 🙏🙏🙏), but the chills, tears, and laughs I get are priceless!!!! 💯
Delighted to hear HE passed the internal test by your onboard HR department head 💜
I tried to put the infamous Timberlake gif here but failed. So there you (don't) have it.